Growth.

Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who's been there before. 

We've only been at this since September, our home study is done, our profile is done, we are on a waiting list and our profile is in a stack of ones to be shown. 

Someone who has been there last night just looked me square in the eyes last night and said the words, "It. WILL. Happen."

Because at this point I'm just kinda numb, we did so much and now we're just down to waiting. And people keep asking if I've heard anything, I feel like making a shirt that says "A couple weeks to a couple years."

I know our lives will change in an instant, but I have lived the last 7 years telling myself it isn't going to happen.  Tears, pounds of chocolate, and less prayers than there should have been for most of that.  I was just thinking last night that the biggest difference between actually being pregnant and being on a waiting list is the fact with pregnancy you can feel and see growth.

My growth in this will be my back bone, my patience, and our marriage. 
The other growth would be the attachment of my phone being on me or near me at all times. It's now an appendage.

2011 just started, this year will be a year for growth in so many ways, but most importantly I pray that we grow with God first in my mind in all we do.  With God all things are possible. That doesn't mean it will be easy, that doesn't mean it will be what we want, but it will always be what we need.  And in HIS time. 

Waaaaaiting is the haaardest part. (name that tune!:)

Things this year has taught me

1. I can say we should have done this a couple years ago but I'm not sure the timing could have been more perfect than the last few months to move forward with our adoption plans.  With God all things are possible, and on His time table. 

2. Nothing should happen to a child other than happiness and joy, this year has taught me that it doesn't happen that way and there are times you can do nothing to shield them from life and things other people do. And it's never the child's fault, it's always the adults who often ignorantly think they know best when they only have their selfish aspirations at heart.

3. People create monsters in their head and let them grow, and 99.99999% of the time they are based on fear, a fear that is totally made up in their own head because they refuse to see it any other way. And that ruins things, causes a rift, ignorant assumptions, and can destroy relationships if left unchecked. 

4. God provides. It's amazing when you are truly in need, how things just happen.  It's also amazing when you are looking for an answer that sometimes the answer is no and what road that leads you down and you realize that God has provided you a way that is much better than you ever thought it would be. 

5. I always knew this but for some reason this year it was more evident to me what a wonderful husband I have.  He sticks up for me when I need it, he tells me how it is when I need it, he makes it very easy to be his wife.  We have been married for 8 years now and never once have we ever had an argument, in the entirety of our relationship.  There are other ways to handle disagreements. In our family, yelling at each other is not one of them. 

6. There are going to be people in my life who don't like me and I will never really have a grasp of why, and I learned this year to just move on.  I don't dislike those people, and I have no idea what their problem is with me, but I don't lose any sleep over it either.  I am who I am. I'm 31 years old, I know who I am and what I believe and there really isn't much changing that at this point.  I have a husband, family, and friends who love me for that.  Water off a ducks back there are some who don't. 

7.  Fundraisers are much harder and more time consuming than I thought.

8.  Time is flying faster than ever.

9.  Sometimes you have to dream a different dream.

10. The corn companies need to be silenced.

11. I have seen families grow and families shrink this year, I've seen family members die on the same day as others are born.  The circle of life happens whether we are looking or not, but this year I seemed to be looking more. 

12. Cancer took too many, infected too many, and I saw several people beat it into the ground. 

12.5 I didn't vote. And it wasn't a sin. 



Lots of stuff happened this year, good and bad and I am thankful for them all.  Had family times, and times that I sorely missed them. Talked to Mia on the phone a lot, got hugs from all of my nieces and nephews. And honestly wished I lived closer to my family more this year than any year previous since I moved out of the house. 

I pray this next year provides us with blessings in all ways. I pray this year finds resolution to many problems. I pray this year I remember where my Citizenship is. And always keep Him first so that my life will be guided down the right path. 

Have a wonderful new years :) I haven't decided if I will be sleepin' by midnight or not :)

Bookin' it.

So, basically since the end of September I have been working on our profile book, which is basically a scrapbook to show to potential birth mothers so they can see a little bit about our lives.  It's been a long process, carefully picking out pictures that don't have WKU or anything in reference to what state we actually live in.  Editing letters, picking out fonts, backgrounds, updating pictures, hunting down pictures I knew were there... somewhere. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, I'm just glad it's done.  Here are a few pages from it. Most of these have actually been edited since I converted them in to JPG, so if you read the letters and stuff on there they are a little bit different. 

And I added a couple other pictures are different on my page there but for the most part it's about the same. 
Thought some of you would like to see a couple pages.

I honestly don't know how much longer regular scrapbooking is going to last, I like being able to just drag, drop, and create myself and not have the huge mess to clean up after.  Though the nostalgia of using rubber stamps, ink, glue, tape, and whatever else is nice, I just don't like the dragging it out and putting it away. And now I love that Stampin Up! has their stamps where you can upload them to this.  No muss no fuss.

So thankful for where we are to this point. I'm having this scrapbook printed, bound, and sent directly to the agency so they can get it in hand faster.  They haven't said anything about birth mothers yet, no, but it will be a huge weight off my shoulders once they have it. 
We were offcially accepted by our agency yesterday, the director called us and everything.  I am so thankful to the Lord above for everything He has blessed us with thus far. In HIS time.

Someone told me a couple years ago just to think about the fact that our birth mother is already alive.  It's weird, but it helped give me some perspective and a little light at the end of the tunnel. 

In HIS time.
In His time.
He will answer every need, in His time!

So much comfort in God and His blessings. 
Now to talk to the customer service desk at Stampin Up! to figure out why I can't get a cloth cover and I have to order leather.
Which would be cool if it was just for us, just seems like a waste if the profile books I give to others to show are eventually going to be thrown away, right?

Songs...

Maybe it's the chorus nerd in me but in every stage of my life I've had music I've associated with certain events. 
And sometimes it's not even whole songs, it's just phrases that strike a cord.  I have several right now that really just hit me when I hear them, presently I'm listening to "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis.  So many of those words pretty much echo everything that we're going through right now.
 "Don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted."

I don't know what I'm doing right now other than just waiting.  Praying. Waiting some more. Kinda buying stuff here and there. 

We bought our crib set, so the nursery is set for now.  "Forest Friends" by Carter's.  Kohls had it on sale and I had a 20% off coupon and it was one we both could agree on.  We had thought about Noahs ark but other than the Tim Hawkins video about how not kid friendly that story is, and the fact that I had a hard time finding cute, Biblically correct arks...
I wanted Winnie the Pooh... and I still have a ton of Pooh stuff but it's hard to find non feminine looking Winnie the Pooh stuff without going higher end art, and then it isn't really kid stuff anymore.  Though I do have the "Art of Pooh" book I could just cut out the pages... :)
I'm a 31 year old who went on a Winnie the Pooh ride back in July and got all teary eyed at the end when it was over because it was SO cool.  Don't judge me.  Ok judge me if you will but I love me some Pooh Bear. 

Our book is done, save a picture or two I'm waiting on. 
I must say that it probably didn't take any less time to do a digital scrapbook, but it's far less messy.  And I'm in LOVE with My Digital Studio by Stampin Up!
Looking through it tonight and seeing all the faces of people who love us and who will love whatever child we are blessed with, makes me so happy and so proud of the family God has blessed us with. Both physical and spiritual. 

I have been OVERWHELMED by the support.  You always hear the horror stories, and yeah I've had some naysayers. But they pale in comparison to how many are behind us in this.  I thank God for everyone.  Everyone supporting us, everyone praying for us, everyone cheering for us.  God provides for us in so many ways and we covet your prayers through all of this as we now just sit and wait.  With our phones on, our hands folded, and our trust in God. 

"In His time, in His time, He will answer every need, in His time.  Though the answer may not be, what we think that it should be, He will answer every need, in His time." 

Federal Shmederal :)

Well, we FINALLY got a couple manila envelopes with the words "Federal Bureau of Investigation" on it yesterday containing our background checks.  I was super excited, called my husband first of course, then started calling my parents to tell them their daughter and son in law are not criminals... and then I looked at the "Date Completed" and steam just about started coming out of my ears.

Date Received: 10/08/10
Date Completed: 11/16/10

And we got it YESTERDAY.

Yes I'm happy we have it. It just irks me that the last time I called them was the 15th and they said they hadn't even started on it. 
Oh well. We have them, 9 weeks after we sent them in ;)

After having to deal with the USPS with all the Sacred Selections nonsense and then the FBI with the background check, I know it wont be the last time I deal with the federal government, especially with the adoption stuff, but they wear me out :)

So now we just need to get a copy of each of them to our beloved case worker, and finish up some paperwork for our agency, and hopefully... LORD WILLING we will be on a waiting list sooner rather than later.  And my phone will not be turned off or on silent... sorry y'all. I'm going on call.

I thank God for Him getting us this far.  Even if we get no further than waiting, I am presently thankful to Him for getting this far.  We're closer than we've ever been to being parents.  I am not letting myself get overly excited, don't get me wrong... I'm excited... but I spent 7 years teaching myself not to be.  I'm afraid to be.  But I'm getting there. 

I've started putting stuff on a wish list on Amazon, mostly because they have a contest right now... but realizing how much stuff we are going to NEED is kind of ridiculous.  Course, I also have some wants on there too... but mostly needs ;)

Well, I'll let y'all know where it goes from here, please continue to keep us in your prayers through all of this. 
Remember Who you are :)

welll... I guess 8 more weeks...

I felt like a 4 year old when I got off the phone yesterday with the FBI.  Completely deflated and a little bit of a whiner for the rest of the day because I was pouting.  And then I remembered when talking to my husband last night that we have been waiting 7.5 years to get where we are now.  8 weeks is not going to kill us. At least that's what I keep telling myself.  And I know it's true, it's just that initial disappointment. Ya know?

And I am INCREDIBLY thankful for my adoption network of Sisters who have been where I am. EXACTLY where I am. You always feel alone with this, and sometimes you need someone to cry with who isn't your spouse.  Because honestly, if you've been down the road of infertility and/or adoption. You do a lot of that.  You cry because it's frustrating, it's hard, it's a whole new kind of hurt and though you and your spouse go through it together, sometimes you just need to know y'all are not the only ones. 

God gave us a network of brethren to rely on, to lean on, and we often forget to thank God for that... but honestly, we have Him to thank for everything.  In HIS time, not ours. 

And it isn't like there isn't stuff to do. I need to finish up our profile after I get a couple more letters back from people, Thanksgiving is in a couple weeks, and then we need to figure out what we are going to do for December.  Since we cannot technically be on a waiting list until our home study is LEGALLY approved, I guess it makes it a tad easier on our peace of mind so I don't have to keep my ringer on my phone all the time and worry about being in the bottom of a hollow or in New Mexico and get a call from Florida and have to leave that instant. 

I have been reading a book called "Baby We Were Made for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption"  by Scott Simon.  It's mostly about international and foster to adopt, but so many of the things he said about the process of getting to the point where you can bring a child home are SO true.  I will leave you with a paragraph from the book:

"No single hoop that we were asked to jump through was onerous or ludicrous. Criminals should not adopt children.  Neither should drug addicts, excessive drinkers, abusive spouses, louses, or tax cheats.  But the overall effect of all the questions and tests can be opressive, especially as months roll on without word of a child.  Most of the documentation that you have to complete expires after twelve months, for reasons I respect ( over the course of a year you can get sick, go broke, or get arrested). So when the wait that you were told might be six to nine months goes past twelve, you have to complete new forms (and pay new fees) all over again.  Grrr, grrrr, grrrrrr.  It's not the cost (though that pinches), or the time (though that grinds).  After a while, it's the sheer galling indignity of being asked to prove, pay, and prove all over again that you're a worthy parent.  Any true parent will tell you that that is impossible to prove in advance."

Remember where your Citizenship is :)

Strange world we live in...

There was a time in my life, not that long ago actually, that things angered me to the point that I just HAD to say something. 
But in the last couple of years, I've learned to pick my battles, knowing that anger only begets more anger.  Today I observed two groups of prideful, unforgiving, people argue. One set of people started attempting to hit the other while the store employees were holding them back.  I stood back with my finger on the speed dial 911 whenever it started to break up. Because I knew if I got into it, it would only make matters worse.  All of it because one group of people decided to call the other group of people one profane racist word.

How does this relate to our adoption?
We have no race preference, no gender preference.

Days like today I remember that I do, indeed, live in the south.  And whereas our immediate families and our family at the congregation we attend will have no problem with it,  other people will. There are still KKK rallies in this town.  And it caused me to reflect and really ask myself some serious questions. 

All of the answers I came up with kind of all narrowed down to one answer. 

Thank God every day that He does not look at what we look like on the outside. Thank God we are made in His image and we are all to work according to His purpose. Thank God He came up with adoption or we would all be in trouble. 

If we are blessed with a child whos skin color is different than ours, we will stand out. But how is that different than what we are called to do anyway? Be set apart.