I need a shirt that says, "Just waiting."
Because that's what we're doing.
No word. Weeks without hearing anything. I know our profile is out for showing, I just don't think it's been shown to anyone. The only times we get calls are to tell us they are missing a piece of paperwork. Not complaining about paperwork, at least it gives me something to do :)
Like I said before the biggest difference between adoption and pregnancy is the fact that at least with pregnancy you get doctors appointments and progress reports. We're almost 4 months into officially waiting, almost 9 months into the whole process. Still in the beginning stages, I know people who have waited for much longer.
I gotta say I'm thankful for my adoption support group, though for the most part none of them live... here... it's nice to know that there are people out there who are willing to talk to me and tell me that this is normal. Because really, it's a hurry up and wait process and a LARGELY misunderstood process. I feel like I need to teach a class on it just so people who have never been through the process know. I am amazed at how many people do not know that once you finish the home study you don't just get handed a baby. I wish that was the way it worked! With so many out there that need to be adopted, you would think in a lot of ways that would be the case... but it's a process largely run by the government. And when you get the government involved... it's never an easy process. But I have found that in this case, the reason that the government is involved IS for the safety of the kids. I cannot complain about that either. There are people out there who are only interested in hurting children, which makes it harder for the rest of us, but I'd rather take the hard than the adoption process be so easy that a large amount of children are abused, neglected, sold, and/or killed. There are times I don't understand the process, many a tear have been shed in the last 9 months wishing that the process was easier. But as a friend told me one time, these are my pregnancy/birth pains.
My pregnancy might just last a lot longer :)
But until something happens, I'm back to not going in the baby section.
For the most part we have what we need for our baby when he/she gets here and continuing to look only kinda re-enforces the fact that we haven't heard anything.
I have no progress report.
I have no way of knowing whats next.
I feel like I'm blindfolded looking for a path to go down.
Thankfully I have Shawn holding one hand and God is holding the other and both of them are holding me up. We'll make it no matter what with God on our side, Just remembering to trust in Him through this whole process and not let Satan tear us down. He's a sneaky fella. He disguises himself as doubt and discouragement a lot. I just need to make sure as a Christian to not let those words come out of my mouth to plague someone else, or even myself.
Remember where your Citizenship is,
and whether you want to or not... Keep Moving Forward.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sometimes I wonder...
This Friday is the 5th anniversary of my Papaws death.
I often wonder what he would be saying right now if he were still living, he was a man of few words but when he did speak he made it count. Some of the words he was famous for, in our family, was, "So it's hard. Figure it out."
Seems harsh, but that meant he had faith that we could get through it.
This is hard. We're still figuring it out.
I just finished the letter that we are sending to Sacred Selections to ask for a grant. I gotta say, between that one and the one I've written to our potential birth mother, I'm emotionally tapped out. It has made me relive aspects of this journey that have not been pleasant, the emotions and things that we felt that have made us as strong as we are today and I know this will only make us stronger as well, no matter the outcome.
I wish I could convey without sounding incredibly desperate how much we want this. It isn't a make or break situation in our marriage, not at all, but we want this with just about every fiber of our being right now. Being consumed with paperwork again, though monotonous, it helps remind us how much we want this. Above all we know Gods way is best, but the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much, and many do not have because they do not ask... we're asking. A lot. I just pray with all of that, that we are asking correctly and in such a way that we know that His will is the best.
There is a song I have been listening too since we started this journey, it's called "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis.
Music defines just about every period of my life. This song will remind me of the journey to get to where we are now and where we will be in a few months. I may post the letter I wrote to SS here in a few weeks, but for now, I am signing off and heading to work. Have a fantastic day and remember where your Citizenship is!
I often wonder what he would be saying right now if he were still living, he was a man of few words but when he did speak he made it count. Some of the words he was famous for, in our family, was, "So it's hard. Figure it out."
Seems harsh, but that meant he had faith that we could get through it.
This is hard. We're still figuring it out.
I just finished the letter that we are sending to Sacred Selections to ask for a grant. I gotta say, between that one and the one I've written to our potential birth mother, I'm emotionally tapped out. It has made me relive aspects of this journey that have not been pleasant, the emotions and things that we felt that have made us as strong as we are today and I know this will only make us stronger as well, no matter the outcome.
I wish I could convey without sounding incredibly desperate how much we want this. It isn't a make or break situation in our marriage, not at all, but we want this with just about every fiber of our being right now. Being consumed with paperwork again, though monotonous, it helps remind us how much we want this. Above all we know Gods way is best, but the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much, and many do not have because they do not ask... we're asking. A lot. I just pray with all of that, that we are asking correctly and in such a way that we know that His will is the best.
There is a song I have been listening too since we started this journey, it's called "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis.
Music defines just about every period of my life. This song will remind me of the journey to get to where we are now and where we will be in a few months. I may post the letter I wrote to SS here in a few weeks, but for now, I am signing off and heading to work. Have a fantastic day and remember where your Citizenship is!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
James.
There are days through this process of waiting that would drive anyone nuts. No word on any kids, people sending you random articles about how more and more single mothers are keeping their kids, random explanations of how even if you raise your adopted child from birth that they could still turn into a sociopath... and the fact that all of the sudden I am getting FOUR different emails on getting pregnant a week, a subscription I KNOW I didn't sign up for.
Sometimes it is hard to remember, ok not hard, sometimes we CHOOSE not to remember in various trials that we are to count our blessings in EVERYTHING.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 2-6
The part of that group of verses that jumped out at me today, though I know I have read them and had them quoted to me hundreds of times in my lifetime I'm sure, "let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach..."
It dawned on me this morning that I didn't really know what the word reproach mean. In the context it is given I had a general idea, so I looked it up to be sure.
Reproach- v. to find fault with (a person, group, etc.); blame.
Now read the verse again.
He makes the rain fall on the just and on the unjust.
I often read the book of James when I am discouraged, mostly so I remember that I have no reasons to be discouraged. It's the kick in the shins I need to keep moving forward, to keep being who I need to be, to keep doing what I need to do. To keep my head up.
My heart is heavy often, my thoughts wander, there are days I don't go in the room where we have planned for the nursery because it is just too hard.
We have a sign hanging in our house,
"Count Your Blessings"
When upon lifes billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God has done,
Count your blessings, name them one by one!
Count your many blessings see what God has done!
When you are discouraged with a load of care,
When the cross seems heavy you are called to bear,
Count your many blessings angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journeys end!
-----
Remember us in your prayers that we keep our heads up and our thoughts on Him and remembering that all things happen in HIS time.
No news, no movement, nothin'... sometimes it's hard to remember that it's only been a couple months since we've officially been on a waiting list. We could be here for a while ;)
Sometimes it is hard to remember, ok not hard, sometimes we CHOOSE not to remember in various trials that we are to count our blessings in EVERYTHING.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 2-6
The part of that group of verses that jumped out at me today, though I know I have read them and had them quoted to me hundreds of times in my lifetime I'm sure, "let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach..."
It dawned on me this morning that I didn't really know what the word reproach mean. In the context it is given I had a general idea, so I looked it up to be sure.
Reproach- v. to find fault with (a person, group, etc.); blame.
Now read the verse again.
He makes the rain fall on the just and on the unjust.
I often read the book of James when I am discouraged, mostly so I remember that I have no reasons to be discouraged. It's the kick in the shins I need to keep moving forward, to keep being who I need to be, to keep doing what I need to do. To keep my head up.
My heart is heavy often, my thoughts wander, there are days I don't go in the room where we have planned for the nursery because it is just too hard.
We have a sign hanging in our house,
"Count Your Blessings"
When upon lifes billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God has done,
Count your blessings, name them one by one!
Count your many blessings see what God has done!
When you are discouraged with a load of care,
When the cross seems heavy you are called to bear,
Count your many blessings angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journeys end!
-----
Remember us in your prayers that we keep our heads up and our thoughts on Him and remembering that all things happen in HIS time.
No news, no movement, nothin'... sometimes it's hard to remember that it's only been a couple months since we've officially been on a waiting list. We could be here for a while ;)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Growth.
Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who's been there before.
We've only been at this since September, our home study is done, our profile is done, we are on a waiting list and our profile is in a stack of ones to be shown.
Someone who has been there last night just looked me square in the eyes last night and said the words, "It. WILL. Happen."
Because at this point I'm just kinda numb, we did so much and now we're just down to waiting. And people keep asking if I've heard anything, I feel like making a shirt that says "A couple weeks to a couple years."
I know our lives will change in an instant, but I have lived the last 7 years telling myself it isn't going to happen. Tears, pounds of chocolate, and less prayers than there should have been for most of that. I was just thinking last night that the biggest difference between actually being pregnant and being on a waiting list is the fact with pregnancy you can feel and see growth.
My growth in this will be my back bone, my patience, and our marriage.
The other growth would be the attachment of my phone being on me or near me at all times. It's now an appendage.
2011 just started, this year will be a year for growth in so many ways, but most importantly I pray that we grow with God first in my mind in all we do. With God all things are possible. That doesn't mean it will be easy, that doesn't mean it will be what we want, but it will always be what we need. And in HIS time.
Waaaaaiting is the haaardest part. (name that tune!:)
We've only been at this since September, our home study is done, our profile is done, we are on a waiting list and our profile is in a stack of ones to be shown.
Someone who has been there last night just looked me square in the eyes last night and said the words, "It. WILL. Happen."
Because at this point I'm just kinda numb, we did so much and now we're just down to waiting. And people keep asking if I've heard anything, I feel like making a shirt that says "A couple weeks to a couple years."
I know our lives will change in an instant, but I have lived the last 7 years telling myself it isn't going to happen. Tears, pounds of chocolate, and less prayers than there should have been for most of that. I was just thinking last night that the biggest difference between actually being pregnant and being on a waiting list is the fact with pregnancy you can feel and see growth.
My growth in this will be my back bone, my patience, and our marriage.
The other growth would be the attachment of my phone being on me or near me at all times. It's now an appendage.
2011 just started, this year will be a year for growth in so many ways, but most importantly I pray that we grow with God first in my mind in all we do. With God all things are possible. That doesn't mean it will be easy, that doesn't mean it will be what we want, but it will always be what we need. And in HIS time.
Waaaaaiting is the haaardest part. (name that tune!:)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Things this year has taught me
1. I can say we should have done this a couple years ago but I'm not sure the timing could have been more perfect than the last few months to move forward with our adoption plans. With God all things are possible, and on His time table.
2. Nothing should happen to a child other than happiness and joy, this year has taught me that it doesn't happen that way and there are times you can do nothing to shield them from life and things other people do. And it's never the child's fault, it's always the adults who often ignorantly think they know best when they only have their selfish aspirations at heart.
3. People create monsters in their head and let them grow, and 99.99999% of the time they are based on fear, a fear that is totally made up in their own head because they refuse to see it any other way. And that ruins things, causes a rift, ignorant assumptions, and can destroy relationships if left unchecked.
4. God provides. It's amazing when you are truly in need, how things just happen. It's also amazing when you are looking for an answer that sometimes the answer is no and what road that leads you down and you realize that God has provided you a way that is much better than you ever thought it would be.
5. I always knew this but for some reason this year it was more evident to me what a wonderful husband I have. He sticks up for me when I need it, he tells me how it is when I need it, he makes it very easy to be his wife. We have been married for 8 years now and never once have we ever had an argument, in the entirety of our relationship. There are other ways to handle disagreements. In our family, yelling at each other is not one of them.
6. There are going to be people in my life who don't like me and I will never really have a grasp of why, and I learned this year to just move on. I don't dislike those people, and I have no idea what their problem is with me, but I don't lose any sleep over it either. I am who I am. I'm 31 years old, I know who I am and what I believe and there really isn't much changing that at this point. I have a husband, family, and friends who love me for that. Water off a ducks back there are some who don't.
7. Fundraisers are much harder and more time consuming than I thought.
8. Time is flying faster than ever.
9. Sometimes you have to dream a different dream.
10. The corn companies need to be silenced.
11. I have seen families grow and families shrink this year, I've seen family members die on the same day as others are born. The circle of life happens whether we are looking or not, but this year I seemed to be looking more.
12. Cancer took too many, infected too many, and I saw several people beat it into the ground.
12.5 I didn't vote. And it wasn't a sin.
Lots of stuff happened this year, good and bad and I am thankful for them all. Had family times, and times that I sorely missed them. Talked to Mia on the phone a lot, got hugs from all of my nieces and nephews. And honestly wished I lived closer to my family more this year than any year previous since I moved out of the house.
I pray this next year provides us with blessings in all ways. I pray this year finds resolution to many problems. I pray this year I remember where my Citizenship is. And always keep Him first so that my life will be guided down the right path.
Have a wonderful new years :) I haven't decided if I will be sleepin' by midnight or not :)
2. Nothing should happen to a child other than happiness and joy, this year has taught me that it doesn't happen that way and there are times you can do nothing to shield them from life and things other people do. And it's never the child's fault, it's always the adults who often ignorantly think they know best when they only have their selfish aspirations at heart.
3. People create monsters in their head and let them grow, and 99.99999% of the time they are based on fear, a fear that is totally made up in their own head because they refuse to see it any other way. And that ruins things, causes a rift, ignorant assumptions, and can destroy relationships if left unchecked.
4. God provides. It's amazing when you are truly in need, how things just happen. It's also amazing when you are looking for an answer that sometimes the answer is no and what road that leads you down and you realize that God has provided you a way that is much better than you ever thought it would be.
5. I always knew this but for some reason this year it was more evident to me what a wonderful husband I have. He sticks up for me when I need it, he tells me how it is when I need it, he makes it very easy to be his wife. We have been married for 8 years now and never once have we ever had an argument, in the entirety of our relationship. There are other ways to handle disagreements. In our family, yelling at each other is not one of them.
6. There are going to be people in my life who don't like me and I will never really have a grasp of why, and I learned this year to just move on. I don't dislike those people, and I have no idea what their problem is with me, but I don't lose any sleep over it either. I am who I am. I'm 31 years old, I know who I am and what I believe and there really isn't much changing that at this point. I have a husband, family, and friends who love me for that. Water off a ducks back there are some who don't.
7. Fundraisers are much harder and more time consuming than I thought.
8. Time is flying faster than ever.
9. Sometimes you have to dream a different dream.
10. The corn companies need to be silenced.
11. I have seen families grow and families shrink this year, I've seen family members die on the same day as others are born. The circle of life happens whether we are looking or not, but this year I seemed to be looking more.
12. Cancer took too many, infected too many, and I saw several people beat it into the ground.
12.5 I didn't vote. And it wasn't a sin.
Lots of stuff happened this year, good and bad and I am thankful for them all. Had family times, and times that I sorely missed them. Talked to Mia on the phone a lot, got hugs from all of my nieces and nephews. And honestly wished I lived closer to my family more this year than any year previous since I moved out of the house.
I pray this next year provides us with blessings in all ways. I pray this year finds resolution to many problems. I pray this year I remember where my Citizenship is. And always keep Him first so that my life will be guided down the right path.
Have a wonderful new years :) I haven't decided if I will be sleepin' by midnight or not :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Bookin' it.
So, basically since the end of September I have been working on our profile book, which is basically a scrapbook to show to potential birth mothers so they can see a little bit about our lives. It's been a long process, carefully picking out pictures that don't have WKU or anything in reference to what state we actually live in. Editing letters, picking out fonts, backgrounds, updating pictures, hunting down pictures I knew were there... somewhere.
Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, I'm just glad it's done. Here are a few pages from it. Most of these have actually been edited since I converted them in to JPG, so if you read the letters and stuff on there they are a little bit different.
And I added a couple other pictures are different on my page there but for the most part it's about the same.
Thought some of you would like to see a couple pages.
I honestly don't know how much longer regular scrapbooking is going to last, I like being able to just drag, drop, and create myself and not have the huge mess to clean up after. Though the nostalgia of using rubber stamps, ink, glue, tape, and whatever else is nice, I just don't like the dragging it out and putting it away. And now I love that Stampin Up! has their stamps where you can upload them to this. No muss no fuss.
So thankful for where we are to this point. I'm having this scrapbook printed, bound, and sent directly to the agency so they can get it in hand faster. They haven't said anything about birth mothers yet, no, but it will be a huge weight off my shoulders once they have it.
We were offcially accepted by our agency yesterday, the director called us and everything. I am so thankful to the Lord above for everything He has blessed us with thus far. In HIS time.
Someone told me a couple years ago just to think about the fact that our birth mother is already alive. It's weird, but it helped give me some perspective and a little light at the end of the tunnel.
In HIS time.
In His time.
He will answer every need, in His time!
So much comfort in God and His blessings.
Now to talk to the customer service desk at Stampin Up! to figure out why I can't get a cloth cover and I have to order leather.
Which would be cool if it was just for us, just seems like a waste if the profile books I give to others to show are eventually going to be thrown away, right?
Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, I'm just glad it's done. Here are a few pages from it. Most of these have actually been edited since I converted them in to JPG, so if you read the letters and stuff on there they are a little bit different.
Thought some of you would like to see a couple pages.
I honestly don't know how much longer regular scrapbooking is going to last, I like being able to just drag, drop, and create myself and not have the huge mess to clean up after. Though the nostalgia of using rubber stamps, ink, glue, tape, and whatever else is nice, I just don't like the dragging it out and putting it away. And now I love that Stampin Up! has their stamps where you can upload them to this. No muss no fuss.
So thankful for where we are to this point. I'm having this scrapbook printed, bound, and sent directly to the agency so they can get it in hand faster. They haven't said anything about birth mothers yet, no, but it will be a huge weight off my shoulders once they have it.
We were offcially accepted by our agency yesterday, the director called us and everything. I am so thankful to the Lord above for everything He has blessed us with thus far. In HIS time.
Someone told me a couple years ago just to think about the fact that our birth mother is already alive. It's weird, but it helped give me some perspective and a little light at the end of the tunnel.
In HIS time.
In His time.
He will answer every need, in His time!
So much comfort in God and His blessings.
Now to talk to the customer service desk at Stampin Up! to figure out why I can't get a cloth cover and I have to order leather.
Which would be cool if it was just for us, just seems like a waste if the profile books I give to others to show are eventually going to be thrown away, right?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Songs...
Maybe it's the chorus nerd in me but in every stage of my life I've had music I've associated with certain events.
And sometimes it's not even whole songs, it's just phrases that strike a cord. I have several right now that really just hit me when I hear them, presently I'm listening to "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis. So many of those words pretty much echo everything that we're going through right now.
"Don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted."
I don't know what I'm doing right now other than just waiting. Praying. Waiting some more. Kinda buying stuff here and there.
We bought our crib set, so the nursery is set for now. "Forest Friends" by Carter's. Kohls had it on sale and I had a 20% off coupon and it was one we both could agree on. We had thought about Noahs ark but other than the Tim Hawkins video about how not kid friendly that story is, and the fact that I had a hard time finding cute, Biblically correct arks...
I wanted Winnie the Pooh... and I still have a ton of Pooh stuff but it's hard to find non feminine looking Winnie the Pooh stuff without going higher end art, and then it isn't really kid stuff anymore. Though I do have the "Art of Pooh" book I could just cut out the pages... :)
I'm a 31 year old who went on a Winnie the Pooh ride back in July and got all teary eyed at the end when it was over because it was SO cool. Don't judge me. Ok judge me if you will but I love me some Pooh Bear.
Our book is done, save a picture or two I'm waiting on.
I must say that it probably didn't take any less time to do a digital scrapbook, but it's far less messy. And I'm in LOVE with My Digital Studio by Stampin Up!
Looking through it tonight and seeing all the faces of people who love us and who will love whatever child we are blessed with, makes me so happy and so proud of the family God has blessed us with. Both physical and spiritual.
I have been OVERWHELMED by the support. You always hear the horror stories, and yeah I've had some naysayers. But they pale in comparison to how many are behind us in this. I thank God for everyone. Everyone supporting us, everyone praying for us, everyone cheering for us. God provides for us in so many ways and we covet your prayers through all of this as we now just sit and wait. With our phones on, our hands folded, and our trust in God.
"In His time, in His time, He will answer every need, in His time. Though the answer may not be, what we think that it should be, He will answer every need, in His time."
And sometimes it's not even whole songs, it's just phrases that strike a cord. I have several right now that really just hit me when I hear them, presently I'm listening to "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis. So many of those words pretty much echo everything that we're going through right now.
"Don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted."
I don't know what I'm doing right now other than just waiting. Praying. Waiting some more. Kinda buying stuff here and there.
We bought our crib set, so the nursery is set for now. "Forest Friends" by Carter's. Kohls had it on sale and I had a 20% off coupon and it was one we both could agree on. We had thought about Noahs ark but other than the Tim Hawkins video about how not kid friendly that story is, and the fact that I had a hard time finding cute, Biblically correct arks...
I wanted Winnie the Pooh... and I still have a ton of Pooh stuff but it's hard to find non feminine looking Winnie the Pooh stuff without going higher end art, and then it isn't really kid stuff anymore. Though I do have the "Art of Pooh" book I could just cut out the pages... :)
I'm a 31 year old who went on a Winnie the Pooh ride back in July and got all teary eyed at the end when it was over because it was SO cool. Don't judge me. Ok judge me if you will but I love me some Pooh Bear.
Our book is done, save a picture or two I'm waiting on.
I must say that it probably didn't take any less time to do a digital scrapbook, but it's far less messy. And I'm in LOVE with My Digital Studio by Stampin Up!
Looking through it tonight and seeing all the faces of people who love us and who will love whatever child we are blessed with, makes me so happy and so proud of the family God has blessed us with. Both physical and spiritual.
I have been OVERWHELMED by the support. You always hear the horror stories, and yeah I've had some naysayers. But they pale in comparison to how many are behind us in this. I thank God for everyone. Everyone supporting us, everyone praying for us, everyone cheering for us. God provides for us in so many ways and we covet your prayers through all of this as we now just sit and wait. With our phones on, our hands folded, and our trust in God.
"In His time, in His time, He will answer every need, in His time. Though the answer may not be, what we think that it should be, He will answer every need, in His time."
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Federal Shmederal :)
Well, we FINALLY got a couple manila envelopes with the words "Federal Bureau of Investigation" on it yesterday containing our background checks. I was super excited, called my husband first of course, then started calling my parents to tell them their daughter and son in law are not criminals... and then I looked at the "Date Completed" and steam just about started coming out of my ears.
Date Received: 10/08/10
Date Completed: 11/16/10
And we got it YESTERDAY.
Yes I'm happy we have it. It just irks me that the last time I called them was the 15th and they said they hadn't even started on it.
Oh well. We have them, 9 weeks after we sent them in ;)
After having to deal with the USPS with all the Sacred Selections nonsense and then the FBI with the background check, I know it wont be the last time I deal with the federal government, especially with the adoption stuff, but they wear me out :)
So now we just need to get a copy of each of them to our beloved case worker, and finish up some paperwork for our agency, and hopefully... LORD WILLING we will be on a waiting list sooner rather than later. And my phone will not be turned off or on silent... sorry y'all. I'm going on call.
I thank God for Him getting us this far. Even if we get no further than waiting, I am presently thankful to Him for getting this far. We're closer than we've ever been to being parents. I am not letting myself get overly excited, don't get me wrong... I'm excited... but I spent 7 years teaching myself not to be. I'm afraid to be. But I'm getting there.
I've started putting stuff on a wish list on Amazon, mostly because they have a contest right now... but realizing how much stuff we are going to NEED is kind of ridiculous. Course, I also have some wants on there too... but mostly needs ;)
Well, I'll let y'all know where it goes from here, please continue to keep us in your prayers through all of this.
Remember Who you are :)
Date Received: 10/08/10
Date Completed: 11/16/10
And we got it YESTERDAY.
Yes I'm happy we have it. It just irks me that the last time I called them was the 15th and they said they hadn't even started on it.
Oh well. We have them, 9 weeks after we sent them in ;)
After having to deal with the USPS with all the Sacred Selections nonsense and then the FBI with the background check, I know it wont be the last time I deal with the federal government, especially with the adoption stuff, but they wear me out :)
So now we just need to get a copy of each of them to our beloved case worker, and finish up some paperwork for our agency, and hopefully... LORD WILLING we will be on a waiting list sooner rather than later. And my phone will not be turned off or on silent... sorry y'all. I'm going on call.
I thank God for Him getting us this far. Even if we get no further than waiting, I am presently thankful to Him for getting this far. We're closer than we've ever been to being parents. I am not letting myself get overly excited, don't get me wrong... I'm excited... but I spent 7 years teaching myself not to be. I'm afraid to be. But I'm getting there.
I've started putting stuff on a wish list on Amazon, mostly because they have a contest right now... but realizing how much stuff we are going to NEED is kind of ridiculous. Course, I also have some wants on there too... but mostly needs ;)
Well, I'll let y'all know where it goes from here, please continue to keep us in your prayers through all of this.
Remember Who you are :)
Friday, November 5, 2010
welll... I guess 8 more weeks...
I felt like a 4 year old when I got off the phone yesterday with the FBI. Completely deflated and a little bit of a whiner for the rest of the day because I was pouting. And then I remembered when talking to my husband last night that we have been waiting 7.5 years to get where we are now. 8 weeks is not going to kill us. At least that's what I keep telling myself. And I know it's true, it's just that initial disappointment. Ya know?
And I am INCREDIBLY thankful for my adoption network of Sisters who have been where I am. EXACTLY where I am. You always feel alone with this, and sometimes you need someone to cry with who isn't your spouse. Because honestly, if you've been down the road of infertility and/or adoption. You do a lot of that. You cry because it's frustrating, it's hard, it's a whole new kind of hurt and though you and your spouse go through it together, sometimes you just need to know y'all are not the only ones.
God gave us a network of brethren to rely on, to lean on, and we often forget to thank God for that... but honestly, we have Him to thank for everything. In HIS time, not ours.
And it isn't like there isn't stuff to do. I need to finish up our profile after I get a couple more letters back from people, Thanksgiving is in a couple weeks, and then we need to figure out what we are going to do for December. Since we cannot technically be on a waiting list until our home study is LEGALLY approved, I guess it makes it a tad easier on our peace of mind so I don't have to keep my ringer on my phone all the time and worry about being in the bottom of a hollow or in New Mexico and get a call from Florida and have to leave that instant.
I have been reading a book called "Baby We Were Made for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption" by Scott Simon. It's mostly about international and foster to adopt, but so many of the things he said about the process of getting to the point where you can bring a child home are SO true. I will leave you with a paragraph from the book:
"No single hoop that we were asked to jump through was onerous or ludicrous. Criminals should not adopt children. Neither should drug addicts, excessive drinkers, abusive spouses, louses, or tax cheats. But the overall effect of all the questions and tests can be opressive, especially as months roll on without word of a child. Most of the documentation that you have to complete expires after twelve months, for reasons I respect ( over the course of a year you can get sick, go broke, or get arrested). So when the wait that you were told might be six to nine months goes past twelve, you have to complete new forms (and pay new fees) all over again. Grrr, grrrr, grrrrrr. It's not the cost (though that pinches), or the time (though that grinds). After a while, it's the sheer galling indignity of being asked to prove, pay, and prove all over again that you're a worthy parent. Any true parent will tell you that that is impossible to prove in advance."
Remember where your Citizenship is :)
And I am INCREDIBLY thankful for my adoption network of Sisters who have been where I am. EXACTLY where I am. You always feel alone with this, and sometimes you need someone to cry with who isn't your spouse. Because honestly, if you've been down the road of infertility and/or adoption. You do a lot of that. You cry because it's frustrating, it's hard, it's a whole new kind of hurt and though you and your spouse go through it together, sometimes you just need to know y'all are not the only ones.
God gave us a network of brethren to rely on, to lean on, and we often forget to thank God for that... but honestly, we have Him to thank for everything. In HIS time, not ours.
And it isn't like there isn't stuff to do. I need to finish up our profile after I get a couple more letters back from people, Thanksgiving is in a couple weeks, and then we need to figure out what we are going to do for December. Since we cannot technically be on a waiting list until our home study is LEGALLY approved, I guess it makes it a tad easier on our peace of mind so I don't have to keep my ringer on my phone all the time and worry about being in the bottom of a hollow or in New Mexico and get a call from Florida and have to leave that instant.
I have been reading a book called "Baby We Were Made for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption" by Scott Simon. It's mostly about international and foster to adopt, but so many of the things he said about the process of getting to the point where you can bring a child home are SO true. I will leave you with a paragraph from the book:
"No single hoop that we were asked to jump through was onerous or ludicrous. Criminals should not adopt children. Neither should drug addicts, excessive drinkers, abusive spouses, louses, or tax cheats. But the overall effect of all the questions and tests can be opressive, especially as months roll on without word of a child. Most of the documentation that you have to complete expires after twelve months, for reasons I respect ( over the course of a year you can get sick, go broke, or get arrested). So when the wait that you were told might be six to nine months goes past twelve, you have to complete new forms (and pay new fees) all over again. Grrr, grrrr, grrrrrr. It's not the cost (though that pinches), or the time (though that grinds). After a while, it's the sheer galling indignity of being asked to prove, pay, and prove all over again that you're a worthy parent. Any true parent will tell you that that is impossible to prove in advance."
Remember where your Citizenship is :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Strange world we live in...
There was a time in my life, not that long ago actually, that things angered me to the point that I just HAD to say something.
But in the last couple of years, I've learned to pick my battles, knowing that anger only begets more anger. Today I observed two groups of prideful, unforgiving, people argue. One set of people started attempting to hit the other while the store employees were holding them back. I stood back with my finger on the speed dial 911 whenever it started to break up. Because I knew if I got into it, it would only make matters worse. All of it because one group of people decided to call the other group of people one profane racist word.
How does this relate to our adoption?
We have no race preference, no gender preference.
Days like today I remember that I do, indeed, live in the south. And whereas our immediate families and our family at the congregation we attend will have no problem with it, other people will. There are still KKK rallies in this town. And it caused me to reflect and really ask myself some serious questions.
All of the answers I came up with kind of all narrowed down to one answer.
Thank God every day that He does not look at what we look like on the outside. Thank God we are made in His image and we are all to work according to His purpose. Thank God He came up with adoption or we would all be in trouble.
If we are blessed with a child whos skin color is different than ours, we will stand out. But how is that different than what we are called to do anyway? Be set apart.
But in the last couple of years, I've learned to pick my battles, knowing that anger only begets more anger. Today I observed two groups of prideful, unforgiving, people argue. One set of people started attempting to hit the other while the store employees were holding them back. I stood back with my finger on the speed dial 911 whenever it started to break up. Because I knew if I got into it, it would only make matters worse. All of it because one group of people decided to call the other group of people one profane racist word.
How does this relate to our adoption?
We have no race preference, no gender preference.
Days like today I remember that I do, indeed, live in the south. And whereas our immediate families and our family at the congregation we attend will have no problem with it, other people will. There are still KKK rallies in this town. And it caused me to reflect and really ask myself some serious questions.
All of the answers I came up with kind of all narrowed down to one answer.
Thank God every day that He does not look at what we look like on the outside. Thank God we are made in His image and we are all to work according to His purpose. Thank God He came up with adoption or we would all be in trouble.
If we are blessed with a child whos skin color is different than ours, we will stand out. But how is that different than what we are called to do anyway? Be set apart.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
What does that even mean?
I got a lot of congrats today at church and every time I've posted it on Facebook or Pleo... and finally someone said, "What does that even mean, an approved home study?"
The best way I knew how to describe it without going into a ton of detail was it's like when you are in college and you have to take a prerequisite class. You have to take that class that has very specific requirements to pass it in order to take the other classes you really want to take.
That is, in a nutshell, what a home study is. It's the thing you don't really want to do, but have to, in order to be able to do the other stuff. Namely get on a waiting list with an agency. As soon as we get that piece of paper in hand saying we have an approved home study, we will be accepted by our agency, and we will be on a waiting list. The time line we have been given is either a few weeks to a couple years. Depends on what happens and how many birth mothers come to them. So we may be waiting for a while and I have accepted that. Yeah it will be hard but it's not like I'm not doing other things. Course, those other things are things that can basically be dropped at any given second to go and get a child if need be.
It helps that our case worker is awesome. She walked in and saw the deer head on our wall and thought it was really cool. Which put my mind at ease right away. Another person who I will always be thankful for who I barely know on a personal level.
I am beginning to get excited. I'm beginning to realize this is happening. But the other, larger, part of me is realizing I need to be rational about this and not expect that we will have a baby right away. To enjoy the time I have with my husband before our lives completely change. To take naps when I can, to make extensive dishes and bake when I can, to take showers and go to the store when I want to... things that willl change when we have a baby. I should point out that I am not complaining about that. This is a welcome change, this is an exciting change :)
God has truly blessed us beyond measure.
It is a true comfort that His hand is guiding us through this.
Have a good 'un :)
The best way I knew how to describe it without going into a ton of detail was it's like when you are in college and you have to take a prerequisite class. You have to take that class that has very specific requirements to pass it in order to take the other classes you really want to take.
That is, in a nutshell, what a home study is. It's the thing you don't really want to do, but have to, in order to be able to do the other stuff. Namely get on a waiting list with an agency. As soon as we get that piece of paper in hand saying we have an approved home study, we will be accepted by our agency, and we will be on a waiting list. The time line we have been given is either a few weeks to a couple years. Depends on what happens and how many birth mothers come to them. So we may be waiting for a while and I have accepted that. Yeah it will be hard but it's not like I'm not doing other things. Course, those other things are things that can basically be dropped at any given second to go and get a child if need be.
It helps that our case worker is awesome. She walked in and saw the deer head on our wall and thought it was really cool. Which put my mind at ease right away. Another person who I will always be thankful for who I barely know on a personal level.
I am beginning to get excited. I'm beginning to realize this is happening. But the other, larger, part of me is realizing I need to be rational about this and not expect that we will have a baby right away. To enjoy the time I have with my husband before our lives completely change. To take naps when I can, to make extensive dishes and bake when I can, to take showers and go to the store when I want to... things that willl change when we have a baby. I should point out that I am not complaining about that. This is a welcome change, this is an exciting change :)
God has truly blessed us beyond measure.
It is a true comfort that His hand is guiding us through this.
Have a good 'un :)
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Clean!
My house has not been this clean in a while.
Just about every closet has been decluttered, a massive load of things have already been taken to Goodwill and there is another batch of stuff by the front door to go out.
I knew she wasn't going to do the white glove test but she is basically a stranger coming into my home and I wanted it to be in tip top shape.
Not only did she not do the white glove test, she only looked in the closet with the gun safe in it and I actually had to suggest that she look in other rooms because really... I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get my house clean for this. She looked in what will be the baby room, the office because I had more kid stuff in there and we have renamed the office "the library" because there really isn't anything office about it. In fact we have to figure out what to do with the TV that is in there because we turned it on the other night and it sounds like it's about to explode at any minute. Which means we have an entertainment center we have no idea what to do with. Oh well. More room for books, right?
My sister was super helpful getting my house finished up for the rooms she never looked at :)
I gave her a Symphony bar as payment. I like being able to pay people in chocolate.
We are approved pending the Federal Government getting our background checks back to us. I thank God for this. I thank God for how wonderfully He's led us down this path. Things have not gone perfect, but this is the most confident I have ever been just letting Him lead us through this uncharted territory. It's a hard, tear filled, frustrating, process. But in the end we both know it will be ok because we have the Lord on our side.
To celebrate, we went and got some frozen yogurt. Which was not our best idea... it was 40 degrees outside and it just made me colder. But it tasted good.
For my birthday this last Tuesday we went and bought a diaper bag. We were told by our agency to have one packed and ready to go for whenever... that way we have it ready and all we have to do is grab it and go. I have never been so happy to live so close to the freeway! Anyway, we bought a nice gender neutral diaper bag. Red and black. And then Target also had baby socks on sale, so we bought some socks. Well last night, because it started feeling more real after she said were approved pending our Federal background check getting back, we went and bought bottles, diapers, and wipes.
We don't have a family who has picked us, we don't have a baby promised to us right now, but our agency says that a good portion of the babies they get are the result of a hospital calling them saying the mom wants to put the baby she just had up for adoption. We may never even hear from the birth mom, because after 48 hours, parental rights are terminated and we cannot drive to Gainsville faster than about 12 hours. It could be within a few weeks to over a year before we hear anything but they want us to be prepared and I want to be prepared so all we have to do is throw clothes in a suitcase, load up the car, and just go.
Still working on the last little bits of our profile. But I have given myself permission to take the day off today. Keeping on top of our house, making an actual grocery list, and going grocery shopping. Nice, WONDERFUL lazy Saturday. We are going to the Homecoming game at WKU later, but for now we are watching College Game Day and we just finished breakfast.
I love Saturdays like this. God has truly blessed us.
Next step, more paperwork!
Just about every closet has been decluttered, a massive load of things have already been taken to Goodwill and there is another batch of stuff by the front door to go out.
I knew she wasn't going to do the white glove test but she is basically a stranger coming into my home and I wanted it to be in tip top shape.
Not only did she not do the white glove test, she only looked in the closet with the gun safe in it and I actually had to suggest that she look in other rooms because really... I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get my house clean for this. She looked in what will be the baby room, the office because I had more kid stuff in there and we have renamed the office "the library" because there really isn't anything office about it. In fact we have to figure out what to do with the TV that is in there because we turned it on the other night and it sounds like it's about to explode at any minute. Which means we have an entertainment center we have no idea what to do with. Oh well. More room for books, right?
My sister was super helpful getting my house finished up for the rooms she never looked at :)
I gave her a Symphony bar as payment. I like being able to pay people in chocolate.
We are approved pending the Federal Government getting our background checks back to us. I thank God for this. I thank God for how wonderfully He's led us down this path. Things have not gone perfect, but this is the most confident I have ever been just letting Him lead us through this uncharted territory. It's a hard, tear filled, frustrating, process. But in the end we both know it will be ok because we have the Lord on our side.
To celebrate, we went and got some frozen yogurt. Which was not our best idea... it was 40 degrees outside and it just made me colder. But it tasted good.
For my birthday this last Tuesday we went and bought a diaper bag. We were told by our agency to have one packed and ready to go for whenever... that way we have it ready and all we have to do is grab it and go. I have never been so happy to live so close to the freeway! Anyway, we bought a nice gender neutral diaper bag. Red and black. And then Target also had baby socks on sale, so we bought some socks. Well last night, because it started feeling more real after she said were approved pending our Federal background check getting back, we went and bought bottles, diapers, and wipes.
We don't have a family who has picked us, we don't have a baby promised to us right now, but our agency says that a good portion of the babies they get are the result of a hospital calling them saying the mom wants to put the baby she just had up for adoption. We may never even hear from the birth mom, because after 48 hours, parental rights are terminated and we cannot drive to Gainsville faster than about 12 hours. It could be within a few weeks to over a year before we hear anything but they want us to be prepared and I want to be prepared so all we have to do is throw clothes in a suitcase, load up the car, and just go.
Still working on the last little bits of our profile. But I have given myself permission to take the day off today. Keeping on top of our house, making an actual grocery list, and going grocery shopping. Nice, WONDERFUL lazy Saturday. We are going to the Homecoming game at WKU later, but for now we are watching College Game Day and we just finished breakfast.
I love Saturdays like this. God has truly blessed us.
Next step, more paperwork!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Or... just wait.
One thing after another happened the last few days and we are doing the home visit on Friday night at 6pm.
No cakes this week. No photo shoots this week. No extra things to agree to this week. NO. no.
We still have so much to do and we got more paperwork from our agency a few days ago.
I have spent quite a bit of time with our agency on the phone this week, just asking questions.
I talked to someone who gave me permission to register, who gave me permission to shop.
Letting you inside for a minute:
I can't go into baby sections for very long without a specific purpose, it has to be for someone else. I will go and look for something for our faith drawer, but I usually can only make it about 10 minutes before my heart just hurts. Tears well up. And then I have to go to the kitchen section to get my mind off of it.
I can play with other peoples kids all day. I can hold someone elses baby all day.
I have taught myself over the last 7 years to surpress my desire to be a Mom, because every time I've been exicted and then it hasn't happened, the high I come down from is a harder fall every time.
I am letting myself get excited now, I've been given permission from someone who has it on good authority that I'm not alone. She talks to a lot of women just like me. Who's husband is their rock, their constant, the ones who keep them sane and who keep surpressing thoughts of their own children because it just has not happened. It is a grief. It is a loss. It is my thorn in the flesh.
I think it will be more real to me though after the paperwork is basically done, the homestudy is FINALLY completed, and our profile is approved and being shown to potential birth moms/families.
I just need to be patient. I'm walking around hand in hand in uncharted territory with my husband and God. God knows where to go, and I just need to remember to let go of my fears in this and let God in. He will lead us to where we need to go. Even if there is heartbreak ahead, I know He will pick us up.
Thy will not mine be done.
No cakes this week. No photo shoots this week. No extra things to agree to this week. NO. no.
We still have so much to do and we got more paperwork from our agency a few days ago.
I have spent quite a bit of time with our agency on the phone this week, just asking questions.
I talked to someone who gave me permission to register, who gave me permission to shop.
Letting you inside for a minute:
I can't go into baby sections for very long without a specific purpose, it has to be for someone else. I will go and look for something for our faith drawer, but I usually can only make it about 10 minutes before my heart just hurts. Tears well up. And then I have to go to the kitchen section to get my mind off of it.
I can play with other peoples kids all day. I can hold someone elses baby all day.
I have taught myself over the last 7 years to surpress my desire to be a Mom, because every time I've been exicted and then it hasn't happened, the high I come down from is a harder fall every time.
I am letting myself get excited now, I've been given permission from someone who has it on good authority that I'm not alone. She talks to a lot of women just like me. Who's husband is their rock, their constant, the ones who keep them sane and who keep surpressing thoughts of their own children because it just has not happened. It is a grief. It is a loss. It is my thorn in the flesh.
I think it will be more real to me though after the paperwork is basically done, the homestudy is FINALLY completed, and our profile is approved and being shown to potential birth moms/families.
I just need to be patient. I'm walking around hand in hand in uncharted territory with my husband and God. God knows where to go, and I just need to remember to let go of my fears in this and let God in. He will lead us to where we need to go. Even if there is heartbreak ahead, I know He will pick us up.
Thy will not mine be done.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Hurry up and wait
Got a call from our potential agency last week asking if there was any way we could speed up the home study process.
There is a lot we could do to speed it up, yes... but we are waiting on the federal government, so what are the chances that they are doing any kind of hurrying? :)
We are waiting on our federal back ground check, which could take up to 30 days. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and we don't have anything back yet so I'm guessing we will get it on day 30. Yes, part of me is saying that in hopes it shows up a lot sooner... but I may have just double jinxed myself.
Our home visit is this Saturday at 2, where she will look through our house to make sure if a child moved in that our house would not kill him or her.
This would be the week that our seasonal mouse has moved in. We don't have any traps other than the sticky ones and though the sticky one worked in sticking the mouse to the trap last year, it was still alive for hours after and thats just gross and wrong on so many levels. We keep forgetting to get traps on the way home, but I will get them today. Shawn will set them because I snaped my finger in one once and now am afraid of the mouse traps. Wimp? maybe.
I was telling Erin last night that I know while we are sitting and talking with our social worker that the mouse will run across the floor. But hopefully it will be caught and dead before then. It happens every year, our house backs up to a farm so we get field mice. Usually just in the fall but one or two have shown up in the spring too.
In everything we have done for this process so far, I have been amazed at the hand of God in all of it. I know He is there in all we do, but it has never been as apparent as it has been through this process. How quickly and obviously prayers have been answered. How quickly plans have changed and easily those changes are established.
This coming Monday is our 8th Anniversary, next Tuesday is my birthday... A part of me wants to be excited that maybe, Lord willing, this time next year we may be parents. But a part of me will wait to be excited until we are free and clear of our home study, our agency has officially approved us and is showing our profile, and we get a call.
Speaking of which, I have chosen a ring tone for our agency... "Take a Chance on Me" by Abba :) haha
Anyway, need to head to work and then come home and make some cakes and clean the house.
Thank God for the blessings He gives us.
There is a lot we could do to speed it up, yes... but we are waiting on the federal government, so what are the chances that they are doing any kind of hurrying? :)
We are waiting on our federal back ground check, which could take up to 30 days. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and we don't have anything back yet so I'm guessing we will get it on day 30. Yes, part of me is saying that in hopes it shows up a lot sooner... but I may have just double jinxed myself.
Our home visit is this Saturday at 2, where she will look through our house to make sure if a child moved in that our house would not kill him or her.
This would be the week that our seasonal mouse has moved in. We don't have any traps other than the sticky ones and though the sticky one worked in sticking the mouse to the trap last year, it was still alive for hours after and thats just gross and wrong on so many levels. We keep forgetting to get traps on the way home, but I will get them today. Shawn will set them because I snaped my finger in one once and now am afraid of the mouse traps. Wimp? maybe.
I was telling Erin last night that I know while we are sitting and talking with our social worker that the mouse will run across the floor. But hopefully it will be caught and dead before then. It happens every year, our house backs up to a farm so we get field mice. Usually just in the fall but one or two have shown up in the spring too.
In everything we have done for this process so far, I have been amazed at the hand of God in all of it. I know He is there in all we do, but it has never been as apparent as it has been through this process. How quickly and obviously prayers have been answered. How quickly plans have changed and easily those changes are established.
This coming Monday is our 8th Anniversary, next Tuesday is my birthday... A part of me wants to be excited that maybe, Lord willing, this time next year we may be parents. But a part of me will wait to be excited until we are free and clear of our home study, our agency has officially approved us and is showing our profile, and we get a call.
Speaking of which, I have chosen a ring tone for our agency... "Take a Chance on Me" by Abba :) haha
Anyway, need to head to work and then come home and make some cakes and clean the house.
Thank God for the blessings He gives us.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Stuff we gotta do to get there...
I knew going into this that the process was extensive and time consuming, but I only had a cursory knowledge of it because I had never actually been through it.
The process is and will continue to be a test of my patience. I pray that I keep looking at it the way I do now, which is basically that the end is worth the means to get there.
Yesterday I was sitting and reading peoples status updates and then last night I talked to our niece Mia on the phone. And I'm going to write this down so when I'm in the middle of it I will remember.
-The 3am feedings will be worth it because we have a child.
-The sleepless nights when he/she is sick will be worth it because we have a child
-The blowouts and emergency changes of clothes five minutes after we were supposed to leave for services will be worth it because we have a child
-The crying because things are not going their way will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The constant need for attention and supervision will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The broken toys, ripped pages, and other misbehavior that needs correcting will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The times that I have to exuse myself from a conversation because my child needs attention will be worth it because we have a child
-When the terrible 2s come around and it feels like all I do is correct every action will be worth it because we have a child
-The scrapes, the bumps and the bruises will all be worth it because the crys coming from the childs mouth will be "MOMMY!" or "DADDY!" and the child will actually mean us.
And I realize that we have not even shown our profile yet because our agency has to wait on references to get back and our home study is about a month away from being approved, and we haven't even printed out the stuff to apply to Sacred Selections. And things could go a very different direction than what I have planned because I am assuming the road we are on right now is what God wants for us. Everything is falling into place.
I wonder if we had tried doing this sooner if it would have happened. But I don't know... the blessing is that we are doing it now. WE are actually moving in that direction instead of stalling out over, "Well maybe we should." I guess what I'm trying to say is, that even if for some reason it doesn't happen, we at least tried. Yeah it will be so hard if it doesn't happen, but at least we are on the road to find out instead of waiting to be on that road.
Well off to FedEx I go to send more documents out and spend copious amounts of money on shipping and background checks.
We got finger printed on Friday and are sending those in with our federal background check. We will be in AFIS. I don't know why I'm excited about that, probably because I watch waaaaay too many crime dramas.
Roast for supper with a nice heaping side of adoption education tutorials!
Toodles!
The process is and will continue to be a test of my patience. I pray that I keep looking at it the way I do now, which is basically that the end is worth the means to get there.
Yesterday I was sitting and reading peoples status updates and then last night I talked to our niece Mia on the phone. And I'm going to write this down so when I'm in the middle of it I will remember.
-The 3am feedings will be worth it because we have a child.
-The sleepless nights when he/she is sick will be worth it because we have a child
-The blowouts and emergency changes of clothes five minutes after we were supposed to leave for services will be worth it because we have a child
-The crying because things are not going their way will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The constant need for attention and supervision will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The broken toys, ripped pages, and other misbehavior that needs correcting will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The times that I have to exuse myself from a conversation because my child needs attention will be worth it because we have a child
-When the terrible 2s come around and it feels like all I do is correct every action will be worth it because we have a child
-The scrapes, the bumps and the bruises will all be worth it because the crys coming from the childs mouth will be "MOMMY!" or "DADDY!" and the child will actually mean us.
And I realize that we have not even shown our profile yet because our agency has to wait on references to get back and our home study is about a month away from being approved, and we haven't even printed out the stuff to apply to Sacred Selections. And things could go a very different direction than what I have planned because I am assuming the road we are on right now is what God wants for us. Everything is falling into place.
I wonder if we had tried doing this sooner if it would have happened. But I don't know... the blessing is that we are doing it now. WE are actually moving in that direction instead of stalling out over, "Well maybe we should." I guess what I'm trying to say is, that even if for some reason it doesn't happen, we at least tried. Yeah it will be so hard if it doesn't happen, but at least we are on the road to find out instead of waiting to be on that road.
Well off to FedEx I go to send more documents out and spend copious amounts of money on shipping and background checks.
We got finger printed on Friday and are sending those in with our federal background check. We will be in AFIS. I don't know why I'm excited about that, probably because I watch waaaaay too many crime dramas.
Roast for supper with a nice heaping side of adoption education tutorials!
Toodles!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
We were closer than we've ever been and now we're even closer...
The interview portion of the home study went very well!
We have more paperwork to do and more things to send in and get back before the home visit portion happens, and then, well I don't know. I mean thats the thing about this, I feel like my eyes are covered, in the dark for the most part about where this is going but I'm being led by Someone with much more power than me.
I am literally in uncharted territory. It terrifies me on one level but I'm ok with it on another, because I have been waiting on this for a long time.
Like Shawn and I were talking about today, we're glad we are actually DOING this and not just TALKING about it.
Yeah it's gonna take money, time, and copious amounts of patience. But we have waited 7 years and we're the closest we have EVER been.
I'm letting myself be happy about this, get a little excited. I even looked at Babies R Us website yesterday at things. But I'm not buying things, not yet. Not until we are approved on so many levels.
Baby steps. Steps towards a baby.
So many other things are changing too. I'm switching degrees to an Associates so I can be done, hopefully within a semester or two instead of 2015. That way no matter how long it takes, I will be part way done and the hours and credits are secure and can't expire. So if and whenever I decide to go back, I wont have to do all the Gen Eds again.
For the first time I feel like I'm moving towards something and not just doing something while I'm waiting on something else to happen.
I thank GOD for my husband through all of this. He's been so supportive and my constant in this. I need to hear from him that things will be ok. The words coming from his mouth have been nothing but supportive and wonderful and I cannot emphasize enough how grateful that I have him in my life. He is my best friend. He has been for almost 10 years now. He still manages to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world when he talks to me and spends time with me, God gave him to me to make me feel safe and I feel safe with him. Someone told me that it would fade after about a year, and I thank GOD it has not. He is the best husband in the world.
Well I think we need to head to bed. It's been a long day and the next week is going to be getting loose ends tied up before the home visit starts. It's also fall break, which means I'm working but no classes. THANKFUL for that!!
Until next time :)
We have more paperwork to do and more things to send in and get back before the home visit portion happens, and then, well I don't know. I mean thats the thing about this, I feel like my eyes are covered, in the dark for the most part about where this is going but I'm being led by Someone with much more power than me.
I am literally in uncharted territory. It terrifies me on one level but I'm ok with it on another, because I have been waiting on this for a long time.
Like Shawn and I were talking about today, we're glad we are actually DOING this and not just TALKING about it.
Yeah it's gonna take money, time, and copious amounts of patience. But we have waited 7 years and we're the closest we have EVER been.
I'm letting myself be happy about this, get a little excited. I even looked at Babies R Us website yesterday at things. But I'm not buying things, not yet. Not until we are approved on so many levels.
Baby steps. Steps towards a baby.
So many other things are changing too. I'm switching degrees to an Associates so I can be done, hopefully within a semester or two instead of 2015. That way no matter how long it takes, I will be part way done and the hours and credits are secure and can't expire. So if and whenever I decide to go back, I wont have to do all the Gen Eds again.
For the first time I feel like I'm moving towards something and not just doing something while I'm waiting on something else to happen.
I thank GOD for my husband through all of this. He's been so supportive and my constant in this. I need to hear from him that things will be ok. The words coming from his mouth have been nothing but supportive and wonderful and I cannot emphasize enough how grateful that I have him in my life. He is my best friend. He has been for almost 10 years now. He still manages to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world when he talks to me and spends time with me, God gave him to me to make me feel safe and I feel safe with him. Someone told me that it would fade after about a year, and I thank GOD it has not. He is the best husband in the world.
Well I think we need to head to bed. It's been a long day and the next week is going to be getting loose ends tied up before the home visit starts. It's also fall break, which means I'm working but no classes. THANKFUL for that!!
Until next time :)
Monday, September 27, 2010
10:30
First meeting of our home study process is 10:30 Saturday morning with our personal interviews. She will interview us together and then seperately.
I am fine with the future visits of our home, I know it will be ok, the interviews scare me.
I know the Social Worker wants to put a child in our home, I need to keep reminding myself of that, but honestly this meeting scares the living daylights out of me. What if I answer a question wrong? What if she writes stuff next to my answer and I ask, "Whatcha writing?" and I'm not allowed to look at it?
What if I just repeat "Be anxious for nothing..." over and over again. And again.
And pray a lot. Which we have been doing already, it's just that this seems like that interview is the make or break. We can get accepted by another adoption agency, I'm fairly certain if we are rejected by social work it's not gonna happen again. Again, praying a lot.
This is the closest we've ever been and tomorrow we'll be even closer. Thanks be to God for His many rich blessings thus far.
We are also working on our profile, which is basically a scrapbook about us and contain letters to the Birth Parents thanking them for making this difficult decision. With other options out there, above all we are thankful that they chose life for the child.
We are having family members and close friends write letters to our potential Birth Mother/Parents as well, so she/they will know us. Think about it this way, if you knew you couldn't take care of your child, and the best option for both of you is for the child to go to another home, wouldn't you want to know that the couple you are giving your child to has a lot of friends and family that support them? Wouldn't you want to know that your child is going to be loved and taken care of by more than just the couple? Wouldn't you want to know that they were going to be safe?
But I am excited and nervous for 10:30. Quite a few things to get done between now and then.
Please pray for us!
Thanks :)
I am fine with the future visits of our home, I know it will be ok, the interviews scare me.
I know the Social Worker wants to put a child in our home, I need to keep reminding myself of that, but honestly this meeting scares the living daylights out of me. What if I answer a question wrong? What if she writes stuff next to my answer and I ask, "Whatcha writing?" and I'm not allowed to look at it?
What if I just repeat "Be anxious for nothing..." over and over again. And again.
And pray a lot. Which we have been doing already, it's just that this seems like that interview is the make or break. We can get accepted by another adoption agency, I'm fairly certain if we are rejected by social work it's not gonna happen again. Again, praying a lot.
This is the closest we've ever been and tomorrow we'll be even closer. Thanks be to God for His many rich blessings thus far.
We are also working on our profile, which is basically a scrapbook about us and contain letters to the Birth Parents thanking them for making this difficult decision. With other options out there, above all we are thankful that they chose life for the child.
We are having family members and close friends write letters to our potential Birth Mother/Parents as well, so she/they will know us. Think about it this way, if you knew you couldn't take care of your child, and the best option for both of you is for the child to go to another home, wouldn't you want to know that the couple you are giving your child to has a lot of friends and family that support them? Wouldn't you want to know that your child is going to be loved and taken care of by more than just the couple? Wouldn't you want to know that they were going to be safe?
But I am excited and nervous for 10:30. Quite a few things to get done between now and then.
Please pray for us!
Thanks :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Little Steps.
It's been a week since we talked to our social worker. She's been super helpful so far with our first round of paperwork.
Again it felt like things just kept getting in the way so I decided to put the other things on the back burner and my husband and I started filling out paperwork. Fun times trying to figure out all of our addresses for the last 10 years. All in BG but I don't remember all the exact addresses. Thankfully I remembered we have all of our tax records for the last 12 years so we have all of our addresses.
The next big step we have to do is our physicals and give our Social Worker the forms to get our background checks. Ya know, to find out if we are criminals :) I told her we could save 40 bucks and I could tell her straight up we don't have anything on our records. But alas... still have to do them :)
I am amazed at how much finger printing costs though... whew... gotta do that too!
Also Child abuse check, to make sure neither of us have a record in that area...
I keep reminding myself that these are my labor pains. There are people out there that are horrible, awful, people and we have to prove that we are not those people.
The other part of my labor pains is telling my Advisor, who is 3 months pregnant, telling her that I plan on being a stay at home Mom whenever we get a child. I am dreading it, I don't know why, in the long run it isn't really her call. But I like her, a lot. I am looking at getting an Associates so I can wrap this puppy up.
Because I was in school as a distraciton, a huge, stressful, distraction. But a distraction none the less.
When I was in Kindergarten we had a "What I want to be when I grow up" pageant. I didn't go as a scientist, an accountant, or as a doctor, I went as a Mom.
This is the first time I've been able to let myself hope. This is the first time I've let myself get somewhat excited. Still waiting on quite a few things, a lot of things to fall in line. Lots of things. But this is the closest I've ever been.
I have waited 7 years to do everything that every Mom does. Everything. The good and the not so good. Because even that not so good means I'm still a Mom.
Filled out forms. Didn't sign them all because we need a witness. Good thing we have a bunch of people coming over tomorrow night!
Bible study group at our house! WONDERFUL singing tonight! Thank God for His many blessings!!
Again it felt like things just kept getting in the way so I decided to put the other things on the back burner and my husband and I started filling out paperwork. Fun times trying to figure out all of our addresses for the last 10 years. All in BG but I don't remember all the exact addresses. Thankfully I remembered we have all of our tax records for the last 12 years so we have all of our addresses.
The next big step we have to do is our physicals and give our Social Worker the forms to get our background checks. Ya know, to find out if we are criminals :) I told her we could save 40 bucks and I could tell her straight up we don't have anything on our records. But alas... still have to do them :)
I am amazed at how much finger printing costs though... whew... gotta do that too!
Also Child abuse check, to make sure neither of us have a record in that area...
I keep reminding myself that these are my labor pains. There are people out there that are horrible, awful, people and we have to prove that we are not those people.
The other part of my labor pains is telling my Advisor, who is 3 months pregnant, telling her that I plan on being a stay at home Mom whenever we get a child. I am dreading it, I don't know why, in the long run it isn't really her call. But I like her, a lot. I am looking at getting an Associates so I can wrap this puppy up.
Because I was in school as a distraciton, a huge, stressful, distraction. But a distraction none the less.
When I was in Kindergarten we had a "What I want to be when I grow up" pageant. I didn't go as a scientist, an accountant, or as a doctor, I went as a Mom.
This is the first time I've been able to let myself hope. This is the first time I've let myself get somewhat excited. Still waiting on quite a few things, a lot of things to fall in line. Lots of things. But this is the closest I've ever been.
I have waited 7 years to do everything that every Mom does. Everything. The good and the not so good. Because even that not so good means I'm still a Mom.
Filled out forms. Didn't sign them all because we need a witness. Good thing we have a bunch of people coming over tomorrow night!
Bible study group at our house! WONDERFUL singing tonight! Thank God for His many blessings!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Ice Cream and Questions
I'm sitting here watching the Coal Bowl and wincing just about every 5 seconds. But mostly thinking about what we did tonight.
Chaney's Dairy Barn in Franklin, KY will be known to me now where we first met the social worker who will do our home study. Her attitude about why she does these home studies is just so humbling. They have a little girl they adopted from Korea. She is adorable! They also have a little boy that is their biological child. She told me that she cannot affiliate herself with a particular agency because there are too many orphans in this world that need homes. 147 million. And she does not want to limit herself to just the kids one agency can help. I don't know her exact age but I would guess shes about my age, 30. She's really sweet and I really like her. She's sending us our first homestudy packet in PDF so we can print it out and print out duplicate copies in case we mess up! :) I have already bought White Out for our application to CFS even though we could just print out another, I just wanted to get it filled out and in and done. Though it ended up being several weeks before we sent it in but oh well :)
I'm SO excited about this but totally overwhelmed with everything else we have going on. I ended up working 7.5 hours today to make up for the hours I missed the last two days. I tried to get us caught back up and the instant I sat down at the end of the day my lower back just started throbbing like "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!" I have a feeling that after this football game is over we are headed for bed and I'm not waking up to any alarm.
Unless it's the fire alarm. In which case I'll be vacating my house.
Anyway.
Please pray for a smooth process, this is all happening and I'm still kind of in a fog about it. It just doesn't seem real but it does seem real all at the same time.
We are happy with how it's going so far, the Lord has truly blessed us. I'm amazed how things are starting to fall into place. A part of me wonders if we had done this before... but everything happens in HIS time. I wonder if we did this a couple of years ago if it would have been as smooth. We'll never know and I thank God for where we are now.
Inch by inch, step by step.
I love my God and my husband.
Chaney's Dairy Barn in Franklin, KY will be known to me now where we first met the social worker who will do our home study. Her attitude about why she does these home studies is just so humbling. They have a little girl they adopted from Korea. She is adorable! They also have a little boy that is their biological child. She told me that she cannot affiliate herself with a particular agency because there are too many orphans in this world that need homes. 147 million. And she does not want to limit herself to just the kids one agency can help. I don't know her exact age but I would guess shes about my age, 30. She's really sweet and I really like her. She's sending us our first homestudy packet in PDF so we can print it out and print out duplicate copies in case we mess up! :) I have already bought White Out for our application to CFS even though we could just print out another, I just wanted to get it filled out and in and done. Though it ended up being several weeks before we sent it in but oh well :)
I'm SO excited about this but totally overwhelmed with everything else we have going on. I ended up working 7.5 hours today to make up for the hours I missed the last two days. I tried to get us caught back up and the instant I sat down at the end of the day my lower back just started throbbing like "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!" I have a feeling that after this football game is over we are headed for bed and I'm not waking up to any alarm.
Unless it's the fire alarm. In which case I'll be vacating my house.
Anyway.
Please pray for a smooth process, this is all happening and I'm still kind of in a fog about it. It just doesn't seem real but it does seem real all at the same time.
We are happy with how it's going so far, the Lord has truly blessed us. I'm amazed how things are starting to fall into place. A part of me wonders if we had done this before... but everything happens in HIS time. I wonder if we did this a couple of years ago if it would have been as smooth. We'll never know and I thank God for where we are now.
Inch by inch, step by step.
I love my God and my husband.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
6pm Chaneys Dairy Barn...
I will be doing something other than eating ice cream because I'm fairly certain the kidney stone I just passed is half calcium and mostly caffeine.
Coffee, Mnt. Dew and anything with caffeine in it is officially off the menu. My head is going to throb for DAYS.
We are meeting with our social worker tomorrow at 6pm for her to give us our packet to get our home ready for the home study process. That will probably take a little bit to get going. We also may be employing a few college students to come make the front of our house look less... weedy.
I will refer to our social worker as J and the social work major that we talked to a few weeks back as C :)
J and C both told us that our house does not need to be spotless but we will need to clean out our closets, have all chemicals and medications out of reach or behind secure doors. We are also going to need a layout of the house, exact square footage, and the agency wants us to have a fire escape plan posted in the house. You know, in case the infant we are wanting to adopt is like, "hey I smell fire... what should I do?" :) I kid. I know that stuff is there for the safety of the child. Like Steph told me one time, the home study will be part of my labor pains since I will never experience them. Some of the steps will seem unnecessary but they are VERY necessary. I get that. A few years ago I just would have ranted and raved but after seeing some of the jerks out there that adopt children to hurt them, I totally understand why those procedures and rules are in place.
It's kind of like when the whole class gets punished in Kindergarten for something someone else did. It doesn't seem right but you know why and you know who to blame :)
But more importantly the birthmom will want to know that the child she is entrusting to us will be safe. These things are for her peace of mind. Having seen adoption from all angles and how hard it is on everyone, I want the birthmom who chooses us to know that we will take the best care of the child she is blessing us with.
I cannot express enough how excited and terrified I am in all of this. This is happening. This is actually happening. I thank GOD that this is happening because He is providing for us. This could take anywhere from a couple months to a couple years, but whats a couple months to a couple years when its been 7 thus far?
In His time.
Coffee, Mnt. Dew and anything with caffeine in it is officially off the menu. My head is going to throb for DAYS.
We are meeting with our social worker tomorrow at 6pm for her to give us our packet to get our home ready for the home study process. That will probably take a little bit to get going. We also may be employing a few college students to come make the front of our house look less... weedy.
I will refer to our social worker as J and the social work major that we talked to a few weeks back as C :)
J and C both told us that our house does not need to be spotless but we will need to clean out our closets, have all chemicals and medications out of reach or behind secure doors. We are also going to need a layout of the house, exact square footage, and the agency wants us to have a fire escape plan posted in the house. You know, in case the infant we are wanting to adopt is like, "hey I smell fire... what should I do?" :) I kid. I know that stuff is there for the safety of the child. Like Steph told me one time, the home study will be part of my labor pains since I will never experience them. Some of the steps will seem unnecessary but they are VERY necessary. I get that. A few years ago I just would have ranted and raved but after seeing some of the jerks out there that adopt children to hurt them, I totally understand why those procedures and rules are in place.
It's kind of like when the whole class gets punished in Kindergarten for something someone else did. It doesn't seem right but you know why and you know who to blame :)
But more importantly the birthmom will want to know that the child she is entrusting to us will be safe. These things are for her peace of mind. Having seen adoption from all angles and how hard it is on everyone, I want the birthmom who chooses us to know that we will take the best care of the child she is blessing us with.
I cannot express enough how excited and terrified I am in all of this. This is happening. This is actually happening. I thank GOD that this is happening because He is providing for us. This could take anywhere from a couple months to a couple years, but whats a couple months to a couple years when its been 7 thus far?
In His time.
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