Sometimes I wonder...

This Friday is the 5th anniversary of my Papaws death.

I often wonder what he would be saying right now if he were still living, he was a man of few words but when he did speak he made it count.  Some of the words he was famous for, in our family, was, "So it's hard. Figure it out."
Seems harsh, but that meant he had faith that we could get through it.
This is hard. We're still figuring it out.

I just finished the letter that we are sending to Sacred Selections to ask for a grant. I gotta say, between that one and the one I've written to our potential birth mother, I'm emotionally tapped out.  It has made me relive aspects of this journey that have not been pleasant, the emotions and things that we felt that have made us as strong as we are today and I know this will only make us stronger as well, no matter the outcome. 

I wish I could convey without sounding incredibly desperate how much we want this. It isn't a make or break situation in our marriage, not at all, but we want this with just about every fiber of our being right now. Being consumed with paperwork again, though monotonous, it helps remind us how much we want this.  Above all we know Gods way is best, but the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much, and many do not have because they do not ask... we're asking. A lot. I just pray with all of that, that we are asking correctly and in such a way that we know that His will is the best.

There is a song I have been listening too since we started this journey, it's called "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis. 



Music defines just about every period of my life. This song will remind me of the journey to get to where we are now and where we will be in a few months. I may post the letter I wrote to SS here in a few weeks, but for now, I am signing off and heading to work.  Have a fantastic day and remember where your Citizenship is!