Things this year has taught me

1. I can say we should have done this a couple years ago but I'm not sure the timing could have been more perfect than the last few months to move forward with our adoption plans.  With God all things are possible, and on His time table. 

2. Nothing should happen to a child other than happiness and joy, this year has taught me that it doesn't happen that way and there are times you can do nothing to shield them from life and things other people do. And it's never the child's fault, it's always the adults who often ignorantly think they know best when they only have their selfish aspirations at heart.

3. People create monsters in their head and let them grow, and 99.99999% of the time they are based on fear, a fear that is totally made up in their own head because they refuse to see it any other way. And that ruins things, causes a rift, ignorant assumptions, and can destroy relationships if left unchecked. 

4. God provides. It's amazing when you are truly in need, how things just happen.  It's also amazing when you are looking for an answer that sometimes the answer is no and what road that leads you down and you realize that God has provided you a way that is much better than you ever thought it would be. 

5. I always knew this but for some reason this year it was more evident to me what a wonderful husband I have.  He sticks up for me when I need it, he tells me how it is when I need it, he makes it very easy to be his wife.  We have been married for 8 years now and never once have we ever had an argument, in the entirety of our relationship.  There are other ways to handle disagreements. In our family, yelling at each other is not one of them. 

6. There are going to be people in my life who don't like me and I will never really have a grasp of why, and I learned this year to just move on.  I don't dislike those people, and I have no idea what their problem is with me, but I don't lose any sleep over it either.  I am who I am. I'm 31 years old, I know who I am and what I believe and there really isn't much changing that at this point.  I have a husband, family, and friends who love me for that.  Water off a ducks back there are some who don't. 

7.  Fundraisers are much harder and more time consuming than I thought.

8.  Time is flying faster than ever.

9.  Sometimes you have to dream a different dream.

10. The corn companies need to be silenced.

11. I have seen families grow and families shrink this year, I've seen family members die on the same day as others are born.  The circle of life happens whether we are looking or not, but this year I seemed to be looking more. 

12. Cancer took too many, infected too many, and I saw several people beat it into the ground. 

12.5 I didn't vote. And it wasn't a sin. 



Lots of stuff happened this year, good and bad and I am thankful for them all.  Had family times, and times that I sorely missed them. Talked to Mia on the phone a lot, got hugs from all of my nieces and nephews. And honestly wished I lived closer to my family more this year than any year previous since I moved out of the house. 

I pray this next year provides us with blessings in all ways. I pray this year finds resolution to many problems. I pray this year I remember where my Citizenship is. And always keep Him first so that my life will be guided down the right path. 

Have a wonderful new years :) I haven't decided if I will be sleepin' by midnight or not :)

Bookin' it.

So, basically since the end of September I have been working on our profile book, which is basically a scrapbook to show to potential birth mothers so they can see a little bit about our lives.  It's been a long process, carefully picking out pictures that don't have WKU or anything in reference to what state we actually live in.  Editing letters, picking out fonts, backgrounds, updating pictures, hunting down pictures I knew were there... somewhere. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, I'm just glad it's done.  Here are a few pages from it. Most of these have actually been edited since I converted them in to JPG, so if you read the letters and stuff on there they are a little bit different. 

And I added a couple other pictures are different on my page there but for the most part it's about the same. 
Thought some of you would like to see a couple pages.

I honestly don't know how much longer regular scrapbooking is going to last, I like being able to just drag, drop, and create myself and not have the huge mess to clean up after.  Though the nostalgia of using rubber stamps, ink, glue, tape, and whatever else is nice, I just don't like the dragging it out and putting it away. And now I love that Stampin Up! has their stamps where you can upload them to this.  No muss no fuss.

So thankful for where we are to this point. I'm having this scrapbook printed, bound, and sent directly to the agency so they can get it in hand faster.  They haven't said anything about birth mothers yet, no, but it will be a huge weight off my shoulders once they have it. 
We were offcially accepted by our agency yesterday, the director called us and everything.  I am so thankful to the Lord above for everything He has blessed us with thus far. In HIS time.

Someone told me a couple years ago just to think about the fact that our birth mother is already alive.  It's weird, but it helped give me some perspective and a little light at the end of the tunnel. 

In HIS time.
In His time.
He will answer every need, in His time!

So much comfort in God and His blessings. 
Now to talk to the customer service desk at Stampin Up! to figure out why I can't get a cloth cover and I have to order leather.
Which would be cool if it was just for us, just seems like a waste if the profile books I give to others to show are eventually going to be thrown away, right?

Songs...

Maybe it's the chorus nerd in me but in every stage of my life I've had music I've associated with certain events. 
And sometimes it's not even whole songs, it's just phrases that strike a cord.  I have several right now that really just hit me when I hear them, presently I'm listening to "Uncharted" by Sarah Barellis.  So many of those words pretty much echo everything that we're going through right now.
 "Don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted."

I don't know what I'm doing right now other than just waiting.  Praying. Waiting some more. Kinda buying stuff here and there. 

We bought our crib set, so the nursery is set for now.  "Forest Friends" by Carter's.  Kohls had it on sale and I had a 20% off coupon and it was one we both could agree on.  We had thought about Noahs ark but other than the Tim Hawkins video about how not kid friendly that story is, and the fact that I had a hard time finding cute, Biblically correct arks...
I wanted Winnie the Pooh... and I still have a ton of Pooh stuff but it's hard to find non feminine looking Winnie the Pooh stuff without going higher end art, and then it isn't really kid stuff anymore.  Though I do have the "Art of Pooh" book I could just cut out the pages... :)
I'm a 31 year old who went on a Winnie the Pooh ride back in July and got all teary eyed at the end when it was over because it was SO cool.  Don't judge me.  Ok judge me if you will but I love me some Pooh Bear. 

Our book is done, save a picture or two I'm waiting on. 
I must say that it probably didn't take any less time to do a digital scrapbook, but it's far less messy.  And I'm in LOVE with My Digital Studio by Stampin Up!
Looking through it tonight and seeing all the faces of people who love us and who will love whatever child we are blessed with, makes me so happy and so proud of the family God has blessed us with. Both physical and spiritual. 

I have been OVERWHELMED by the support.  You always hear the horror stories, and yeah I've had some naysayers. But they pale in comparison to how many are behind us in this.  I thank God for everyone.  Everyone supporting us, everyone praying for us, everyone cheering for us.  God provides for us in so many ways and we covet your prayers through all of this as we now just sit and wait.  With our phones on, our hands folded, and our trust in God. 

"In His time, in His time, He will answer every need, in His time.  Though the answer may not be, what we think that it should be, He will answer every need, in His time." 

Federal Shmederal :)

Well, we FINALLY got a couple manila envelopes with the words "Federal Bureau of Investigation" on it yesterday containing our background checks.  I was super excited, called my husband first of course, then started calling my parents to tell them their daughter and son in law are not criminals... and then I looked at the "Date Completed" and steam just about started coming out of my ears.

Date Received: 10/08/10
Date Completed: 11/16/10

And we got it YESTERDAY.

Yes I'm happy we have it. It just irks me that the last time I called them was the 15th and they said they hadn't even started on it. 
Oh well. We have them, 9 weeks after we sent them in ;)

After having to deal with the USPS with all the Sacred Selections nonsense and then the FBI with the background check, I know it wont be the last time I deal with the federal government, especially with the adoption stuff, but they wear me out :)

So now we just need to get a copy of each of them to our beloved case worker, and finish up some paperwork for our agency, and hopefully... LORD WILLING we will be on a waiting list sooner rather than later.  And my phone will not be turned off or on silent... sorry y'all. I'm going on call.

I thank God for Him getting us this far.  Even if we get no further than waiting, I am presently thankful to Him for getting this far.  We're closer than we've ever been to being parents.  I am not letting myself get overly excited, don't get me wrong... I'm excited... but I spent 7 years teaching myself not to be.  I'm afraid to be.  But I'm getting there. 

I've started putting stuff on a wish list on Amazon, mostly because they have a contest right now... but realizing how much stuff we are going to NEED is kind of ridiculous.  Course, I also have some wants on there too... but mostly needs ;)

Well, I'll let y'all know where it goes from here, please continue to keep us in your prayers through all of this. 
Remember Who you are :)

welll... I guess 8 more weeks...

I felt like a 4 year old when I got off the phone yesterday with the FBI.  Completely deflated and a little bit of a whiner for the rest of the day because I was pouting.  And then I remembered when talking to my husband last night that we have been waiting 7.5 years to get where we are now.  8 weeks is not going to kill us. At least that's what I keep telling myself.  And I know it's true, it's just that initial disappointment. Ya know?

And I am INCREDIBLY thankful for my adoption network of Sisters who have been where I am. EXACTLY where I am. You always feel alone with this, and sometimes you need someone to cry with who isn't your spouse.  Because honestly, if you've been down the road of infertility and/or adoption. You do a lot of that.  You cry because it's frustrating, it's hard, it's a whole new kind of hurt and though you and your spouse go through it together, sometimes you just need to know y'all are not the only ones. 

God gave us a network of brethren to rely on, to lean on, and we often forget to thank God for that... but honestly, we have Him to thank for everything.  In HIS time, not ours. 

And it isn't like there isn't stuff to do. I need to finish up our profile after I get a couple more letters back from people, Thanksgiving is in a couple weeks, and then we need to figure out what we are going to do for December.  Since we cannot technically be on a waiting list until our home study is LEGALLY approved, I guess it makes it a tad easier on our peace of mind so I don't have to keep my ringer on my phone all the time and worry about being in the bottom of a hollow or in New Mexico and get a call from Florida and have to leave that instant. 

I have been reading a book called "Baby We Were Made for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption"  by Scott Simon.  It's mostly about international and foster to adopt, but so many of the things he said about the process of getting to the point where you can bring a child home are SO true.  I will leave you with a paragraph from the book:

"No single hoop that we were asked to jump through was onerous or ludicrous. Criminals should not adopt children.  Neither should drug addicts, excessive drinkers, abusive spouses, louses, or tax cheats.  But the overall effect of all the questions and tests can be opressive, especially as months roll on without word of a child.  Most of the documentation that you have to complete expires after twelve months, for reasons I respect ( over the course of a year you can get sick, go broke, or get arrested). So when the wait that you were told might be six to nine months goes past twelve, you have to complete new forms (and pay new fees) all over again.  Grrr, grrrr, grrrrrr.  It's not the cost (though that pinches), or the time (though that grinds).  After a while, it's the sheer galling indignity of being asked to prove, pay, and prove all over again that you're a worthy parent.  Any true parent will tell you that that is impossible to prove in advance."

Remember where your Citizenship is :)

Strange world we live in...

There was a time in my life, not that long ago actually, that things angered me to the point that I just HAD to say something. 
But in the last couple of years, I've learned to pick my battles, knowing that anger only begets more anger.  Today I observed two groups of prideful, unforgiving, people argue. One set of people started attempting to hit the other while the store employees were holding them back.  I stood back with my finger on the speed dial 911 whenever it started to break up. Because I knew if I got into it, it would only make matters worse.  All of it because one group of people decided to call the other group of people one profane racist word.

How does this relate to our adoption?
We have no race preference, no gender preference.

Days like today I remember that I do, indeed, live in the south.  And whereas our immediate families and our family at the congregation we attend will have no problem with it,  other people will. There are still KKK rallies in this town.  And it caused me to reflect and really ask myself some serious questions. 

All of the answers I came up with kind of all narrowed down to one answer. 

Thank God every day that He does not look at what we look like on the outside. Thank God we are made in His image and we are all to work according to His purpose. Thank God He came up with adoption or we would all be in trouble. 

If we are blessed with a child whos skin color is different than ours, we will stand out. But how is that different than what we are called to do anyway? Be set apart.

What does that even mean?

I got a lot of congrats today at church and every time I've posted it on Facebook or Pleo... and finally someone said, "What does that even mean, an approved home study?"

The best way I knew how to describe it without going into a ton of detail was it's like when you are in college and you have to take a prerequisite class. You have to take that class that has very specific requirements to pass it in order to take the other classes you really want to take. 

That is, in a nutshell, what a home study is.  It's the thing you don't really want to do, but have to, in order to be able to do the other stuff.  Namely get on a waiting list with an agency.  As soon as we get that piece of paper in hand saying we have an approved home study, we will be accepted by our agency, and we will be on a waiting list.  The time line we have been given is either a few weeks to a couple years.  Depends on what happens and how many birth mothers come to them.  So we may be waiting for a while and I have accepted that.  Yeah it will be hard but it's not like I'm not doing other things.  Course, those other things are things that can basically be dropped at any given second to go and get a child if need be. 

It helps that our case worker is awesome. She walked in and saw the deer head on our wall and thought it was really cool.  Which put my mind at ease right away. Another person who I will always be thankful for who I barely know on a personal level.

I am beginning to get excited. I'm beginning to realize this is happening. But the other, larger, part of me is realizing I need to be rational about this and not expect that we will have a baby right away.  To enjoy the time I have with my husband before our lives completely change. To take naps when I can, to make extensive dishes and bake when I can, to take showers and go to the store when I want to... things that willl change when we have a baby.  I should point out that I am not complaining about that.  This is a welcome change, this is an exciting change :)

God has truly blessed us  beyond measure.
It is a true comfort that His hand is guiding us through this.
Have a good 'un :)

Clean!

My house has not been this clean in a while.
Just about every closet has been decluttered, a massive load of things have already been taken to Goodwill and there is another batch of stuff by the front door to go out. 

I knew she wasn't going to do the white glove test but she is basically a stranger coming into my home and I wanted it to be in tip top shape. 

Not only did she not do the white glove test, she only looked in the closet with the gun safe in it and I actually had to suggest that she look in other rooms because really... I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get my house clean for this. She looked in what will be the baby room, the office because I had more kid stuff in there and we have renamed the office "the library" because there really isn't anything office about it.  In fact we have to figure out what to do with the TV that is in there because we turned it on the other night and it sounds like it's about to explode at any minute. Which means we have an entertainment center we have no idea what to do with.  Oh well. More room for books, right?

My sister was super helpful getting my house finished up for the rooms she never looked at :)
I gave her a Symphony bar as payment. I like being able to pay people in chocolate.

We are approved pending the Federal Government getting our background checks back to us.  I thank God for this.  I thank God for how wonderfully He's led us down this path.  Things have not gone perfect, but this is the most confident I have ever been just letting Him lead us through this uncharted territory.  It's a hard, tear filled, frustrating, process.  But in the end we both know it will be ok because we have the Lord on our side.

To celebrate, we went and got some frozen yogurt. Which was not our best idea... it was 40 degrees outside and it just made me colder. But it tasted good.

For my birthday this last Tuesday we went and bought a diaper bag. We were told by our agency to have one packed and ready to go for whenever... that way we have it ready and all we have to do is grab it and go.  I have never been so happy to live so close to the freeway! Anyway, we bought a nice gender neutral diaper bag. Red and black.  And then Target also had baby socks on sale, so we bought some socks.  Well last night, because it started feeling more real after she said were approved pending our Federal background check getting back, we went and bought bottles, diapers, and wipes. 

We don't have a family who has picked us, we don't have a baby promised to us right now, but our agency says that a good portion of the babies they get are the result of a hospital calling them saying the mom wants to put the baby she just had up for adoption.  We may never even hear from the birth mom, because after 48 hours, parental rights are terminated and we cannot drive to Gainsville faster than about 12 hours.  It could be within a few weeks to over a year before we hear anything but they want us to be prepared and I want to be prepared so all we have to do is throw clothes in a suitcase, load up the car, and just go. 

Still working on the last little bits of our profile. But I have given myself permission to take the day off today.  Keeping on top of our house, making an actual grocery list, and going grocery shopping.  Nice, WONDERFUL lazy Saturday.  We are going to the Homecoming game at WKU later, but for now we are watching College Game Day and we just finished breakfast. 

I love Saturdays like this.  God has truly blessed us.
Next step, more paperwork!

Or... just wait.

One thing after another happened the last few days and we are doing the home visit on Friday night at 6pm.

No cakes this week. No photo shoots this week. No extra things to agree to this week. NO. no.

We still have so much to do and we got more paperwork from our agency a few days ago.
I have spent quite a bit of time with our agency on the phone this week, just asking questions.

I talked to someone who gave me permission to register, who gave me permission to shop.
Letting you inside for a minute:

I can't go into baby sections for very long without a specific purpose, it has to be for someone else. I will go and look for something for our faith drawer, but I usually can only make it about 10 minutes before my heart just hurts. Tears well up. And then I have to go to the kitchen section to get my mind off of it.

I can play with other peoples kids all day. I can hold someone elses baby all day.
I have taught myself over the last 7 years to surpress my desire to be a Mom, because every time I've been exicted and then it hasn't happened, the high I come down from is a harder fall every time. 

I am letting myself get excited now, I've been given permission from someone who has it on good authority that I'm not alone. She talks to a lot of women just like me. Who's husband is their rock, their constant, the ones who keep them sane and who keep surpressing thoughts of their own children because it just has not happened. It is a grief. It is a loss.  It is my thorn in the flesh.

I think it will be more real to me though after the paperwork is basically done, the homestudy is FINALLY completed, and our profile is approved and being shown to potential birth moms/families. 

I just need to be patient. I'm walking around hand in hand in uncharted territory with my husband and God. God knows where to go, and I just need to remember to let go of my fears in this and let God in. He will lead us to where we need to go.  Even if there is heartbreak ahead, I know He will pick us up. 

Thy will not mine be done.

Hurry up and wait

Got a call from our potential agency last week asking if there was any way we could speed up the home study process.

There is a lot we could do to speed it up, yes... but we are waiting on the federal government, so what are the chances that they are doing any kind of hurrying? :)

We are waiting on our federal back ground check, which could take up to 30 days. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and we don't have anything back yet so I'm guessing we will get it on day 30.  Yes, part of me is saying that in hopes it shows up a lot sooner... but I may have just double jinxed myself. 

Our home visit is this Saturday at 2, where she will look through our house to make sure if a child moved in that our house would not kill him or her. 

This would be the week that our seasonal mouse has moved in.  We don't have any traps other than the sticky ones and though the sticky one worked in sticking the mouse to the trap last year, it was still alive for hours after and thats just gross and wrong on so many levels.  We keep forgetting to get traps on the way home, but I will get them today.  Shawn will set them because I snaped my finger in one once and now am afraid of the mouse traps.  Wimp? maybe. 

I was telling Erin last night that I know while we are sitting and talking with our social worker that the mouse will run across the floor.  But hopefully it will be caught and dead before then.  It happens every year, our house backs up to a farm so we get field mice.  Usually just in the fall but one or two have shown up in the spring too. 

In everything we have done for this process so far, I have been amazed at the hand of God in all of it.  I know He is there in all we do, but it has never been as apparent as it has been through this process.  How quickly and obviously prayers have been answered.  How quickly plans have changed and easily those changes are established. 

This coming Monday is our 8th Anniversary, next Tuesday is my birthday... A part of me wants to be excited that maybe, Lord willing, this time next year we may be parents.  But a part of me will wait to be excited until we are free and clear of our home study, our agency has officially approved us and is showing our profile, and we get a call. 

Speaking of which, I have chosen a ring tone for our agency... "Take a Chance on Me" by Abba :) haha

Anyway, need to head to work and then come home and make some cakes and clean the house. 

Thank God for the blessings He gives us.

Stuff we gotta do to get there...

I knew going into this that the process was extensive and time consuming, but I only had a cursory knowledge of it because I had never actually been through it. 

The process is and will continue to be a test of my patience.  I pray that I keep looking at it the way I do now, which is basically that the end is worth the means to get there. 

Yesterday I was sitting and reading peoples status updates and then last night I talked to our niece Mia on the phone.  And I'm going to write this down so when I'm in the middle of it I will remember. 

-The 3am feedings will be worth it because we have a child.
-The sleepless nights when he/she is sick will be worth it because we have a child
-The blowouts and emergency changes of clothes five minutes after we were supposed to leave for services will be worth it because we have a child
-The crying because things are not going their way will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The constant need for attention and supervision will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The broken toys, ripped pages, and other misbehavior that needs correcting will be worth it because that means we have a child
-The times that I have to exuse myself from a conversation because my child needs attention will be worth it because we have a child
-When the terrible 2s come around and it feels like all I do is correct every action will be worth it because we have a child
-The scrapes, the bumps and the bruises will all be worth it because the crys coming from the childs mouth will be "MOMMY!" or "DADDY!" and the child will actually mean us.

And I realize that we have not even shown our profile yet because our agency has to wait on references to get back and our home study is about a month away from being approved, and we haven't even printed out the stuff to apply to Sacred Selections.  And things could go a very different direction than what I have planned because I am assuming the road we are on right now is what God wants for us.  Everything is falling into place.

I wonder if we had tried doing this sooner if it would have happened. But I don't know... the blessing is that we are doing it now.  WE are actually moving in that direction instead of stalling out over, "Well maybe we should."  I guess what I'm trying to say is, that even if for some reason it doesn't happen, we at least tried. Yeah it will be so hard if it doesn't happen, but at least we are on the road to find out instead of waiting to be on that road.

Well off to FedEx I go to send more documents out and spend copious amounts of money on shipping and background checks. 
We got finger printed on Friday and are sending those in with our federal background check.  We will be in AFIS. I don't know why I'm excited about that, probably because I watch waaaaay too many crime dramas. 

Roast for supper with a nice heaping side of adoption education tutorials!

Toodles!

We were closer than we've ever been and now we're even closer...

The interview portion of the home study went very well!

We have more paperwork to do and more things to send in and get back before the home visit portion happens, and then, well I don't know. I mean thats the thing about this, I feel like my eyes are covered, in the dark for the most part about where this is going but I'm being led by Someone with much more power than me. 

I am literally in uncharted territory. It terrifies me on one level but I'm ok with it on another, because I have been waiting on this for a long time.

Like Shawn and I were talking about today, we're glad we are actually DOING this and not just TALKING about it. 

Yeah it's gonna take money, time, and copious amounts of patience.  But we have waited 7 years and we're the closest we have EVER been. 

I'm letting myself be happy about this, get a little excited. I even looked at Babies R Us website yesterday at things. But I'm not buying things, not yet.  Not until we are approved on so many levels. 

Baby steps.  Steps towards a baby. 

So many other things are changing too. I'm switching degrees to an Associates so I can be done, hopefully within a semester or two instead of 2015. That way no matter how long it takes, I will be part way done and the hours and credits are secure and can't expire.  So if and whenever I decide to go back, I wont have to do all the Gen Eds again. 

For the first time I feel like I'm moving towards something and not just doing something while I'm waiting on something else to happen. 

I thank GOD for my husband through all of this. He's been so supportive and my constant in this.  I need to hear from him that things will be ok. The words coming from his mouth have been nothing but supportive and wonderful and I cannot emphasize enough how grateful that I have him in my life.  He is my best friend. He has been for almost 10 years now.  He still manages to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world when he talks to me and spends time with me, God gave him to me to make me feel safe and I feel safe with him.  Someone told me that it would fade after about a year, and I thank GOD it has not.  He is the best husband in the world. 

Well I think we need to head to bed.  It's been a long day and the next week is going to be getting loose ends tied up before the home visit starts. It's also fall break, which means I'm working but no classes. THANKFUL for that!!

Until next time :)

10:30

First meeting of our home study process is 10:30 Saturday morning with our personal interviews. She will interview us together and then seperately. 

I am fine with the future visits of our home, I know it will be ok, the interviews scare me.

I know the Social Worker wants to put a child in our home, I need to keep reminding myself of that, but honestly this meeting scares the living daylights out of me.  What if I answer a question wrong?  What if she writes stuff next to my answer and I ask, "Whatcha writing?" and I'm not allowed to look at it?

What if I just repeat "Be anxious for nothing..." over and over again. And again.

And pray a lot.  Which we have been doing already, it's just that this seems like that interview is the make or break.  We can get accepted by another adoption agency, I'm fairly certain if we are rejected by social work it's not gonna happen again.  Again, praying a lot. 

This is the closest we've ever been and tomorrow we'll be even closer. Thanks be to God for His many rich blessings thus far. 

We are also working on our profile, which is basically a scrapbook about us and contain letters to the Birth Parents thanking them for making this difficult decision.  With other options out there, above all we are thankful that they chose life for the child. 

We are having family members and close friends write letters to our potential Birth Mother/Parents as well, so she/they will know us.  Think about it this way, if you knew you couldn't take care of your child, and the best option for both of you is for the child to go to another home, wouldn't you want to know that the couple you are giving your child to has a lot of friends and family that support them? Wouldn't you want to know that your child is going to be loved and taken care of by more than just the couple?  Wouldn't you want to know that they were going to be safe? 

But I am excited and nervous for 10:30. Quite a few things to get done between now and then.

Please pray for us!
Thanks :)

Little Steps.

It's been a week since we talked to our social worker. She's been super helpful so far with our first round of paperwork. 

Again it felt like things just kept getting in the way so I decided to put the other things on the back burner and my husband and I started filling out paperwork.  Fun times trying to figure out all of our addresses for the last 10 years. All in BG but I don't remember all the exact addresses.  Thankfully I remembered we have all of our tax records for the last 12 years so we have all of our addresses. 

The next big step we have to do is our physicals and give our Social Worker the forms to get our background checks.  Ya know, to find out if we are criminals :) I told her we could save 40 bucks and I could tell her straight up we don't have anything on our records. But alas... still have to do them :)

I am amazed at how much finger printing costs though... whew... gotta do that too!

Also Child abuse check, to make sure neither of us have a record in that area...

I keep reminding myself that these are my labor pains.  There are people out there that are horrible, awful, people and we have to prove that we are not those people. 

The other part of my labor pains is telling my Advisor, who is 3 months pregnant, telling her that I plan on being a stay at home Mom whenever we get a child.  I am dreading it, I don't know why, in the long run it isn't really her call.  But I like her, a lot.  I am looking at getting an Associates so I can wrap this puppy up. 

Because I was in school as a distraciton, a huge, stressful, distraction. But a distraction none the less. 

When I was in Kindergarten we had a "What I want to be when I grow up" pageant.  I didn't go as a scientist, an accountant, or as a doctor, I went as a Mom. 

This is the first time I've been able to let myself hope. This is the first time I've let myself get somewhat excited.  Still waiting on quite a few things, a lot of things to fall in line.  Lots of things. But this is the closest I've ever been. 

I have waited 7 years to do everything that every Mom does. Everything. The good and the not so good. Because even that not so good means I'm still a Mom. 

Filled out forms. Didn't sign them all because we need a witness. Good thing we have a bunch of people coming over tomorrow night!

Bible study group at our house! WONDERFUL singing tonight! Thank God for His many blessings!!

Ice Cream and Questions

I'm sitting here watching the Coal Bowl and wincing just about every 5 seconds. But mostly thinking about what we did tonight. 

Chaney's Dairy Barn in Franklin, KY will be known to me now where we first met the social worker who will do our home study.  Her attitude about why she does these home studies is just so humbling.  They have a little girl they adopted from Korea. She is adorable! They also have a little boy that is their biological child. She told me that she cannot affiliate herself with a particular agency because there are too many orphans in this world that need homes.  147 million.  And she does not want to limit herself to just the kids one agency can help.  I don't know her exact age but I would guess shes about my age, 30.  She's really sweet and I really like her.  She's sending us our first homestudy packet in PDF so we can print it out and print out duplicate copies in case we mess up! :) I have already bought White Out for our application to CFS even though we could just print out another, I just wanted to get it filled out and in and done.  Though it ended up being several weeks before we sent it in but oh well :)


I'm SO excited about this but totally overwhelmed with everything else we have going on.  I ended up working 7.5 hours today to make up for the hours I missed the last two days.  I tried to get us caught back up and the instant I sat down at the end of the day my lower back just started throbbing like "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!" I have a feeling that after this football game is over we are headed for bed and I'm not waking up to any alarm.

Unless it's the fire alarm. In which case I'll be vacating my house. 

Anyway. 

Please pray for a smooth process, this is all happening and I'm still kind of in a fog about it.  It just doesn't seem real but it does seem real all at the same time.

We are happy with how it's going so far, the Lord has truly blessed us. I'm amazed how things are starting to fall into place.  A part of me wonders if we had done this before... but everything happens in HIS time. I wonder if we did this a couple of years ago if it would have been as smooth.  We'll never know and I thank God for where we are now. 

Inch by inch, step by step.
I love my God and my husband.

6pm Chaneys Dairy Barn...

I will be doing something other than eating ice cream because I'm fairly certain the kidney stone I just passed is half calcium and mostly caffeine.

Coffee, Mnt. Dew and anything with caffeine in it is officially off the menu.  My head is going to throb for DAYS. 

We are meeting with our social worker tomorrow at 6pm for her to give us our packet to get our home ready for the home study process. That will probably take a little bit to get going. We also may be employing a few college students to come make the front of our house look less... weedy. 

I will refer to our social worker as J and the social work major that we talked to a few weeks back as C :)

J and C both told us that our house does not need to be spotless but we will need to clean out our closets, have all chemicals and medications out of reach or behind secure doors.  We are also going to need a layout of the house, exact square footage, and the agency wants us to have a fire escape plan posted in the house.  You know, in case the infant we are wanting to adopt is like, "hey I smell fire... what should I do?" :) I kid.  I know that stuff is there for the safety of the child.  Like Steph told me one time, the home study will be part of my labor pains since I will never experience them.  Some of the steps will seem unnecessary but they are VERY necessary.  I get that.  A few years ago I just would have ranted and raved but after seeing some of the jerks out there that adopt children to hurt them, I totally understand why those procedures and rules are in place. 

It's kind of like when the whole class gets punished in Kindergarten for something someone else did.  It doesn't seem right but you know why and you know who to blame :)

But more importantly the birthmom will want to know that the child she is entrusting to us will be safe.  These things are for her peace of mind. Having seen adoption from all angles and how hard it is on everyone, I want the birthmom who chooses us to know that we will take the best care of the child she is blessing us with. 

I cannot express enough how excited and terrified I am in all of this.  This is happening.  This is actually happening.  I thank GOD that this is happening because He is providing for us.  This could take anywhere from a couple months to a couple years, but whats a couple months to a couple years when its been 7 thus far?

In His time.

Ok... 2 more days.

Yesterday did not go the way I thought it would at all.  Shawn ended up staying home from work still sick and I ended up switching sections of Chemistry because my professor was ridiculous.  So by the time I got done with class and being on campus it was 7:30pm. Still had to come home and make dinner and had an accounting assignment due by midnight that I had not even started. 

I just kept fumbling over the paper work in my back pack but the only thing on campus is USPS and I was NOT going to use them.  Not after everything else I've gone through with them.  But the fumbling over the paper needing to pull other things out, it just felt like everything was purposly getting in my way. 

So I took a deep breath before I fell asleep and told myself and prayed that there would be an opportunity today to send it. 

I woke up, my husband was feeling a lot better so he said he was going to go to work after Wednesday morning Bible class.  So we ate breakfast and he dropped me off at work on his way to the church building to work on the stuff he missed out on doing over the weekend because he was sick.  I was elbow deep in work whenever I got his call, so I checked it and to my horror he sounded awful.  He sounded like he did the last time he was sick and passed out.  I had no car, no way to get to him immediately.  I had to yell to get him to pay attentioin to me because it sounded like he was trailing off, which is what he does whenever he passes out.  So I called his doctors office and got an appointment for an hour from when I called and then called my sister to come get me. 

Upper respritory infection.

I had taken the paper work out of my backpack and moved it to the front seat so I would remember to do it today.  So I asked Shawn if we could just go to the UPS store and get it in the mail because I felt like stuff keeps coming up and we just need to do it.  He said he was feeling a bit better so it should be ok as long as it didn't take a long time. 

I pulled it out and checked all the signatures and all the places I needed to check and made sure for the 200th time that it was filled out.  Amazingly it was all done just the same as it was last time.  I took a deep breath and Shawn said a prayer, and then I started crying.  I've not experienced the happy and terrified at the same time feeling in a while. 

So took the paperwork into UPS and they got it all addressed and sent.  Tracking number and insurance included.  It should be there Friday which means I probably wont hear anything from them until next week at least. But its out of our hands now.  In His hands. 

So step one of 2003929202 done :) 

Next up. Scheduling our home study :)

We covet your prayers on our behalf through all this.

What's one more day when it's been 7 years?

I keep staring at my back pack wondering if the papers are still there, if they have somehow disappeared, if someone has stolen them... I keep checking to see if they are there and they are, every time.  I forgot today is a mailing holiday so I don't want them sitting around at the Kinkos FedEx office for 24 hours before it goes off to Florida.  I might sleep in the parking lot if I drop it off today.  After a two week hiatus because of various other problems going on and copious amounts of White Out because I can't read questions, we are pushing forward, we have to get this ball rolling.  I need to know we are finally on that path, a path we have been waiting literally YEARS for.

So today I clean and then sit, clean and then sit, because I'm trying to remind myself that this is my day off... maybe I should relax a bit. 

This week will be filled with chem & accounting homework, WKU postal services routes, and I will be thinking and praying about where that paperwork is, what the answers from CFS will be.  So it begins!

September 7th, 2010

Actual reason coming soon.

I have an underlying reason for beginning this blog. It will come out soon enough.
Just sayin'.

Chinese

My World Geography professor is from southern China.  When we covered China in class we got to ask him all the questions that most of us wanted to, like, "Do you have cars?" and "What are the different kinds of religion?" "Why did you move to America?" and I had two questions.  The first one was, "When you were kids did you dig a hole to America, because we used to dig holes to China in our back yard."  His answer was yes, they did dig holes to America which made us all laugh.  The second question, of course, was about food.  "Do we actually have anything CLOSE to Chinese food here?"  and HE laughed.  Hard. And then went on to explain that there is nothing in the resturants here anywhere near what he had growing up and went into some detail on how they did not deep fry anything, they ate sticky rice and vegetables and sometimes if they had the money and had bought a chicken, they would eat it with some meat, and they used EVERY part of the chicken.  And since the part they were from had a large Hindu population, no cows were ever consumed.  He didn't have a hamburger until he went to Tokyo when he was 25, on his way to America with his wife and their 3 girls (the reason they moved to America). 

Anyway. Last night I made "Chinese" food.  The reason I made this particular thing is because I got a REALLY good deal on it with my rookie couponing ninja skills.  I would NEVER pay full price for this because it was not that good and I had to add mushrooms to it to stretch it enough for it to be a meal.  So here we go.

This puppy is 9 dollars full price. And honestly, since it serves two people $4.50 is not bad compared to take out, but still.  Well it was on special for $5.99 and I had a coupon on my Kroger card for $.50 and then another coupon for $1.50 so I got it for $3.99.  It's a complete meal so it came with rice and everything.  It was the only one of the ones on sale that didn't have deep fried chicken in it.  So I pull out all the packets on the inside and dump the contents that were supposed to go in the skillet, in the skillet. 

It is not a lot of food.
This was my reaction:

It would have been worse if I actually paid 9 bucks for it. 

So while I was doing that I put the steam pack of rice in the microwave, which was about the size of my palm by the way, about 1/2 a cup of rice total.  So when I added the sauce to the vegetables I added

Yes I have a checkered tile floor in the kitchen. No I don't like it. But it costs money to replace so I deal :)

So I put it in the pan and mixed it in with the sauce

There was a packet of roasted peanuts too. 

Put it all on the plate together:

Overall good flavor.  Shawn took off the snap peas and water chestnuts, and I gave him more chicken since there might have been a total of 2oz of processed chicken. 

Unless I have a super awesome coupon again and it's on sale, I won't be buying it again.  Not worth it.  I'm fairly certain I can make it for cheaper than that and use far less in the way of corn products.  But it was a cheap and easy meal, which was nice since I had ladies Bible class last night.  I might try and duplicate here next week after the crazy that is this Fundraiser is done.

Think about what you CAN eat.

Going through the major I'm in (nutrition), I'm told to tell those who have to go on restricted diets that they don't need to think about what they cannot eat but what they CAN eat.  A little over a year ago I became one of those people that needed to be told that.  It's different when it's yourself. I think later it will make it more personal when I tell someone that, to relate to them how hard it is.  I'm very lactose intolerant. VERY. Milk HATES me. And believe it or not, most people will become somewhat lactose intolerant at some point in their life.  People did not start high intake of milk and milk products until the invent of cereals. When milk became more readily available, ice cream became more available, as did cheese, and then whey began being added into things as well as other dry milk bi products. It's hard to not find cow milk in lots of things. Even things like processed chicken breasts, certain tomato sauces, and many other things you wouldn't expect. 

The total of what is "wrong" with me includes me going on a medication that dehydrates me.  My favorite warning on it is to not sweat or do anything that would cause me to sweat, but other than that I should be able to lead a normal life but to be monitored for kidney damage.  HA! Right.  So the natural way to treat what I have is to cut out dairy, added sugars, and yeast.  When I stay on top of my diet I don't feel bad, I don't feel lethargic, I don't feel sick.   This summer has been a lot of not sticking with it.  Between going to see family, vacations, potlucks, and bake sales... I am just tired all the time and my stomach HATES me. 

Brings me to supper tonight.  I've not taken any pictures of it because it was waffles. But I'll show you what I used :)

Before you freak out and write me off. I hate coconut. Coconut milk is a whole other bird. This particular kind is for every day use, I use the unsweetened kind.  It's 80 calories per 8oz cup, which is 10 calories less than skim milk.  There is some fat in it, but it's also a very thick texture, and most importantly, it only has a subtle coconut flavor and if you use salt it pretty much cancels any of that out.  Just gives it a deeper flavor. 

And as a side note, when I want ice cream or a milk shake...

It's sweetened with Agave nectar.
I CAN eat ice cream again!

Agave is a low glycemic NATURAL sweetener that doesnt numb your tongue like Stevia. It can be used in baking, but you have to be careful because it only comes in liquid form since it is a nectar.  It's kinda nifty that you can find it in the actual baking isle now, I still prefer to get it in the "natural" food section because the prices are generally better.  It's the new trendy thing, but it's been around for a while, so the chances of you finding it cheaper in what you would normally think to be the more expensive section, is pretty good.  Also Trader Joes has their brand for $1.99 just about every day.  It's certified organic, and I just trust TJs.  Anyway, this is what I have in my cabinet now, I got a coupon for a free bottle since I registered my email with their website a few months back:

It pays to sign up for email lists. I should also mention that I get free goat cheese that way too. I presently have a coupon screaming my name on the fridge that needs to be used. 

Anywho. I made the recipe out of the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.  I substituted coconut milk for regular milk, reduced it by 1 TBS to add agave.  I used the oil and eggs, but a lot of times I substitute unsweetened apple sauce, but that tends to make it stick to my waffle iron no matter how much non stick spray I use.  After the waffles came out I used my non dairy spread.  Yes. Margerine. Sue me. Ok don't sue me. But I use it because it's what makes my stomach happy. Yes it's one molecule away from plastic. 

Turkey sausage... and a vegan banana chocolate chip muffin.  Holla.  Good day :)

Tomorrow is free range venison, root vegetables, and a diabetic dessert :) It's good to know where my meat comes from :)

Burn Notice and no I'm not talking about the food :)

I love Burn Notice as well. Though I gotta say the burn does refer to how bad the heat has been this summer. My tomatoes are cooking on the vine while they are still green.  I've pretty much given up on everything in my garden except my okra. You can't kill okra. Well you probably can but it's hard. 

The last two nights have been either leftovers (curry chicken and rice for dinner last night), or frozen food in the freezer.  We are prepping for a yard sale on Saturday morning, we are also having a bake sale to go with it.  Gotta get some baggies to put cookies and brownies in, still deciding on whether or not I want to wrap up muffins or just sell them as is. I'm buying some water to sell too because it's gonna be HOT on Saturday. I have a feeling our yard sale is going to wrap up well before noon :)

No pictures this go round. Hoping to be able to get back to it tomorrow night but for now I need to slap stickers on things and get them ready to go. Going through the garage, cleaning stuff up.  It's gonna be so much fun trying to get rid of an analog TV. No one is going to want it.  If it doesn't go we need to get it taken away because it doesn't need to be in our garage. I hate clutter.

So if you're in the area and want to come to our house for a yard sale, the bake sale portion will go to Sacred Selections (http://www.sacredselections.org/) and the yard sale portion will go for our ever growing adoption fund :) Please take a look at this organization, they help SO many people. 

Lovely oranges in my belly always sooth pretty much any craving I have for sweets. Almost. When its this hot outside it's hard not to want ice cream :)

Indian food and White Collar

I love White Collar.  I don't know who does all the writing for USA's shows but I'm a big fan of several of their shows, tonight is White Collar night. I watch Covert Affairs after but it's still growing on me, I'm a huge Alias fan and it just seems like a rip off in some ways, but it is getting interesting.  But White Collar got me from the beginning.

Anyway. Dinner from tonight :) I made Curried chicken. My first attempt at making my own curry spice. News flash, curry isn't actually an herb or spice, its a blend of spices :) Do not read further if you are a vegetarian or vegan :)

I used a whole chicken cut into pieces.  I cut the pieces myself because it is cheaper to do that, they charge more per pound to have it cut, plus I use the bones I don't cut up.  I took the breasts out boneless so I could leave most of the carcass intact to make broth. 

A little trick. When you are going to be using a meat product with its own outer fat source, you don't really need an outside source if you are just going to brown it.  It renders the fat off and you can use that instead of adding extra fat. I'm not saying its low fat but adding four different kinds of fat (Pam included, the serving size is 1/3 of a second for non fat, everything above that you are adding fat) is not necessary when you have chicken skin, sausage, or bacon or something else with copious amounts of outside fat.  Now when I oven roast a chicken I make a paste of some butter, minced garlic, and herbs to put UNDER the skin... but that is another post for another day.  And it works better to sear a steak if you have a LITTLE bit of olive oil or canola (1TBS tops spread evenly over your searing surface).  Avoid vegetable oil, use canola... just do it. Trust me. 

Anyway, I browned the skin on the chicken thighs, legs, and breasts and then removed the pieces and put them on a plate while I added thinly sliced onion (aboout 1/2 a cup), 2 cloves of garlic, and a TBS of grated fresh ginger (you can use about 1/2 a TBS of dried grated ginger but it's not the same).  Just enough until they were opaque and I put the chicken back in and promptly moved the plate the chicken was on to the sink to later be rinsed in blazing hot water before it was put in the dish washer. 

Then I mixed up my curry. Top to bottom, left to right, 1/2 tsp of each, Cardamom, Tumeric, dash of ground cloves, 1/2 tsp of red pepper, 1/2 tsp of coriander and cinnamon, and 1/2 tsp of chili powder. 

Add the spices to the pot and 1/2 a cup of chicken broth.  Cover and simmer for 30 minutes.  While it simmers make rice per package directions.  The chicken feeds six so I made enough rice for two and had enough chicken left for leftovers for tomorrow night since I take Shawn his supper. 

This one is husband approved :) The rice needed more salt but other than that he liked it.  I didn't cream it since the only dairy I can have is fresh cheese (mozzarella) or really aged cheese like parm.  I did remember later that I have coconut milk which is traditional in indian cuisine instead of milk.  So thats what I used for leftovers for tomorrow night :)

I guess I'll get back to my Covert Affairs and then bed :)

Primo giorno

Oh Italy. You and your food. Not sure I could live happily without you ;)

Tomatoes, basil, pasta and cheese... seriously, could you want any more than that?  Maybe YOU could... but not this girl :) So tonights dinner was kind of like what I was going to say it was going to be except I remembered my husband doesn't like gnocci with anything other than a cream sauce. And I'm sorry for the high quantity of things, I shop at Sams Club and buy things in bulk... so I didn't use all of this :)

Ingredients make a meal. The pasta is a low carb, high fiber, pasta. Amazing flavor and texture and it's Angel Hair.

After this picture I minced some onions (1/4 cup) and garlic (2 cloves) and sweated them in a large pan. There are two things that bug me about some cooking, entirely too much oil and too much onion is used, no one wants nasty garlic onion breath and a mouth coated in oil.  I used a tsp of Extra Virgin Olive Oil, vegetables have their own juices, I just needed to use a teeny bit of fat to get them out :)

Sweating the onions and garlic just basically means you cook the onions and garlic over medium low heat and cook them until they are opaque using some salt and fat to draw the juices out.  I then sliced 5 button mushrooms and halved about 2 cups of cherry tomatoes, all the while the water is boiling in a sauce pan getting ready for the pasta.

I added the mushrooms and tomatoes, as well as a tsp each of  Oregano, Thyme, Rosemary, and Basil. 

I put the angel hair in the rapidly boiling water. Since it's angel hair, it doesn't need to boil for more than about five minutes to get to al dente (still a little bit of chew to it).

I cooked all of this until the tomatoes were getting soft and turned the heat down and added the drained pasta to it.  I cubed some fresh mozzarella and turned off the heat and tossed it all together. I then added salt and pepper to taste because I didn't want to make this too salty.  This is the end result:

Start to finish (not including pictures) it took about 20 minutes to make. 

My husband says he would have liked it better if it wasn't made with the cherry tomatoes, because he doesn't like the skin on the tomatoes.  I don't mind it, but thats just a difference between our tastes :)

Today went well, I had rice for breakfast and lunch because my stomach was a little funky from eating a freezer burned cookie at Kroger.  Don't ask. 

I made muffins for the bake sale for this weekend, and I just mostly avoided going outside. It felt like 105 and I'm not kidding!  The heat is insane this summer, no wonder my tomatoes are cooking on the vine! No wonder I have to buy them!!! It's frustrating, but it has to happen, it's just too hot! But another reminder that I am not in control, the Lord is!

Tomorrow, I believe curry in some form is in play. I haven't decided how, but I think it needs to be!

Day one is done. Until tomorrow!

August is the new January

I'm going to do this.
I am GOING TO DO THIS.

Beginning today, we are not eating out, except for August 14th when we are doing the fundraiser breakfast for Sacred Selections.  Brown bagging it to school and work, having friends over for lunch on Sundays, that kind of thing.

Beginning tomorrow (August 2nd) I will be posting the recipes I use and some pictures to boot :)

On the menu tomorrow, for breakfast will just be breakfast things like oatmeal, nothin' special. Except I got some peaches from a local orchard I may cut up to eat with or in it.  Lunch will be chicken salad wraps, and for dinner will be a homemade rustic tomato sauce and gnocci from Trader Joes. 

The challenge I am making to myself is to do this, to do this simply, to do this healthy and to make this public so I DO this for myself and my husband. 

Follow this if you want, I should have pictures uploaded by 9pm tomorrow night :)